How to Connect With Someone You Just Met
When meeting a new person, there is an impulse that almost everyone shares. In ordinary conversation, people are more inclined to share their own subjective experiences than to ask clarifying questions about someone’s interests.
It’s human nature, and it follows a familiar pattern clearly outlined on TikTok by Daniel Bayard Jackson (aka the friendship expert). In the video below, you’ll see how easy it is to tip the scales to the side.
As Jackson explains, your promising relationship can die in the bud if you decide to talk about yourself before asking for a few follow-up actions.
By asking questions, you can find common ground
If you look below the surface when meeting someone, you are more likely to find common ground that can later form the basis of your relationship, while simply sharing your own point of view can limit the scope of your discussion.
It seems self-evident that you need to listen when other people speak, but too often the conversations turn into exercises for sharing individual experiences and preferences. Basically, there is nothing wrong with this, but it limits the breadth of the conversation and actually reduces the true value of the conversation – genuine interaction with the other participant. Asking questions shows that you are interested in learning a little more about the other person so you can connect.
Ask more open-ended questions
You don’t have to take out your pen and paper and interview the person you are talking to, but it doesn’t hurt to remember what questions you might want to ask.
Consider whether you want to use closed-ended or open-ended questions. Closed questions do not deserve a more detailed explanation, but rather a short, definitive answer. (Example: “How long have you been playing basketball?” Is a closed question, since the answer is usually given in a few words without additional explanation).
An open-ended question can be short and sweet, but it usually requires longer explanations, such as, “How was it for you?” or “how did you deal with it?” An open-ended question is more likely to provoke an interesting conversation as it shows that you are willing to participate and listen.
If all else fails, just tell us about yourself
The goal here is to generate mutual interest, but it is possible that the person you are talking to will not reciprocate their questions. In that case, tell us about yourself. It is likely that the other person is simply not aware that the conversation has become one-sided; just because they overlooked the question does not necessarily mean that they are self-centered.
And once you start sharing details about yourself, it’s likely that their questions will follow.