How to Help Your Teenager Improve Relationships During a Pandemic
The list of events teens overlook during a pandemic can seem endless. Two different classes of high school students will remember the last year of their childhood as one of the most boring and isolated of their young lives. Most of the biggest and best accomplishments have gone virtual, but the pandemic has robbed them of small moments too – like flirting with a crush in the hallway between classrooms.
Teens, like adults, are still struggling to develop and maintain romantic relationships during the pandemic, which can be easily overlooked given everything else parents and kids struggle to cope with. But romantic experiences are an important part of the social and emotional development of adolescents, and now they often lack it.
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Start by recognizing
Dr. Jill Emanuele , senior director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Institute of the Child’s Mind , says this is the first thing parents of teenagers should do.
“They have to confirm them,” says Emanuele. “They have to say, ‘I realize this is probably harder than I even imagined because I can’t imagine what it would be like if I couldn’t see my friends in high school and just had to be with them. … my parents all the time. Really confirm that it was a difficult situation. “
It’s also important to note that teens have lost a lot of their privacy during this pandemic, Emanuele said, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. During normal times, they may interact with a boyfriend or girlfriend, mainly during school, at sporting events and other events, or when they are spending time together with a large group of friends. But now, for security reasons, you probably almost always know where they are going and who they are seeing. This can be incredibly frustrating for a teen who may not be willing to share a romantic interest with you, but feels like they have to in order to make plans for a date.
“In a sense, the privacy of a teenager [right now] is not private,” she says, “because the decisions they make are about the safety of their families.”
It makes sense, and boundaries and safe behavior are more important now than ever. But when you can give them privacy, you must. As Rachel Emke writes for the Institute of the Child’s Mind :
Once you’ve laid down sensible ground rules for how your teen can date safely, do your best to give him the appearance of privacy. For example, if this is their campfire for the evening, try not to eavesdrop and keep your little sister out of your way.
Consider how this might affect the pace of the relationship.
Depending on how much teenagers can go out and see someone they are dating, it is likely that their relationships develop more deeply online than in personal relationships, at least initially.
“This generation is probably used to spending more time talking on the Internet … so they’ve gotten used to it a little more than adults,” says Emanuele. “But they have to, in a sense, almost develop relationships on the Internet if they are not seen at school – and this will potentially change the pace of the relationship and how quickly it will develop.”
However, forcing the first connection virtually can actually lead to the formation of physical relationships even faster than usual, as Emke writes :
When children do start relationships, they can quickly become intense. First, collaboration requires a more sophisticated level of planning and validation than was previously the case. “It happens very quickly because people get bored and because you have to work so hard for the relationship that you want it to last for a long time,” explains Dr. [Jaime] Howard. “So this is an acceleration and possibly a deepening of relationships that would otherwise be part of a full-fledged social life. Now it is a much more prominent role than usual at this age. “
Either way, Emanuel tells me, you should have all the conversations you usually have with teens about sex and consent, with an added layer of security during a pandemic.
“Parents tend to want to talk to their kids about what dating is and how to practice safe sex, as well as all the usual things we’ll do anyway,” says Emanuele. But now with a twist: that’s all you need to pay attention to COVID. “
If they are generally alone
Some teens aren’t even trying to get romantically involved right now because they really want and need friends . Emanuele says many children feel isolated, especially when their schooling is completely virtual and the only people they see regularly are their parents and siblings. Parents should encourage their kids to keep up with video calls and chat securely with friends on social media or help them explore virtual clubs or groups that match their interests.
Beyond that, Emanuele stresses that parents of single, isolated children should prioritize getting their children outside, be it socially distanced meeting friends or walking around the neighborhood with you.
“I say all the time, ‘Encourage your kids to go out,’” she says. “Even if you are in a cold room, I cannot tell you how many children told me:“ I was in the house for two weeks; I didn’t leave the house for two weeks. ” And that’s just not normal.
“Get them out of the house and out of the room. Because that [being inside all the time] really contributes to isolation, feeling bored, and that things never end and never change. “