How Your Partner’s Birth Control May Affect Your Sex Life (and What to Do About It)
Birth control is unique among medical interventions, not least because its name tells you directly what it does – it controls births by preventing pregnancy. However, beyond that, there are many other things that birth control can do. Some are good: hormonal contraception can clear the skin and make your menstrual cycle or endometriosis more manageable. Others, such as its ability to induce weight change or vaginal dryness, are less ideal.
If your partner is on birth control pills, has a hand implant or an intrauterine device (IUD), inserts NuvaRing into the vagina, or uses another form of birth control, but your main concern is simply to be left without a child, most likely you do not know much about how it all works. And that would be fine, except that it can cause problems in your relationship if you are not aware of the side effects that contraception can have on your partner.
Why contraception and what are the options?
Preventing pregnancy is a common reason for using contraception, but Dr. Mira Shah, chief physician at Planned Parenthood Hudson Peconic, shared a few others with Lifehacker:
Many, many people use hormonal contraception to relieve menstrual symptoms such as cramps or [premenstrual syndrome]. I have provided hormonal contraceptives for patients to help them cope with endometriosis and even acne. Methods such as a pill, ring, and patch can make your menstrual cycle easier, more predictable, and less painful. You can also use a pill, patch, and ring to skip your period entirely. The hormonal IUD, implant, and injection can also relieve cramps and make your menstrual cycle easier and shorter (or even stop them completely). Although they are a little less predictable – some people have irregular periods when using these methods.
For the most part, these methods use hormones to perform various functions, but there is a variant of the copper IUD that does not. If you assumed that this means it has no side effects, think again: Copper IUDs can cause heavier periods and more severe cramps.
It is not uncommon for a person to try several different methods before settling on the one that works best for them and has the least side effects.
How birth control can affect a partner
Dr. Shah has already mentioned one of the more unwanted side effects: irregular periods. Bleeding can be unpredictable, sporadic, or nearly constant as everyone responds differently to hormones. The bleeding can be annoying, she said, but it “can be dealt with fairly easily” if you tell your doctor.
However, there may be other problems, such as vaginal dryness, nausea, changes in libido, or weight fluctuations. Sherri, an Arizona woman, told Lifehacker that when she used Depo-Provera, a hormone injection, she gained weight and began to feel depressed – two effects that made each other worse.
“It was just a very bad combination, like the weight gain from contraception and all these other external factors that I was just not happy with myself, and the weight gain definitely didn’t help. My self-perception and body image were very bad, ”she said. “There are just a lot of parts in the shot that overlap. I wouldn’t say it was an isolated shot, but it certainly didn’t help. “
She quickly returned to the pill, which she initially refused because she was not very diligent in taking it. She said that she is now much more responsible about this, although she still has an increased mood before her period.
Bad moods, increased bleeding, vaginal dryness, and weight changes are all common side effects, but also quite normal for people not on contraception, so you would be forgiven if you didn’t realize that your partner was experiencing them. due to their contraception. Other, much rarer side effects are also possible.
Nicole, a Utah woman, told Lifehacker how her Nexplanon contraceptive implant migrated through a muscle in her arm in 2015 and required surgery to remove it. She still goes to physical therapy to make full use of her arm and, like Sherri, takes the pills again. To be clear, the likelihood that your partner’s birth control will harm one of their limbs is small, but the chances that their birth control will affect you is not entirely zero.
How their contraception might affect you and how you can prepare
Simply put, if you are a cisgender guy, it is not uncommon to feel the threads of the NuvaRing or your partner’s IUD during intercourse, but this is quite rare. The best thing if you are one of the few who feels it is to not focus on it and try to let the sensations remind you that you are not going to be a father anytime soon. NuvaRings can be easily repositioned if either side doesn’t like the feeling. If you suddenly feel a hard part of the IUD, and not just its strings, it may have shifted, and until your partner can see their doctor, use a secondary method of contraception just in case.
The dryness that Dr. Shah talked about can also affect you. It’s always a good idea to have some lubricant on hand, so refer to this handy guide to find the best one for your situation. On the other hand, if frequent or sudden bleeding is the problem, keep a few wet wipes on deck, lay a towel, and communicate clearly if the amount of blood exceeds your personal threshold. There are specialty products like menstrual sponges and soft cups that can be worn during sex and help with cleanliness problems, but they don’t differentiate between blood and other fluids, so you’ll need lubricant again to compensate for the moisture. penalty. Here’s another helpful guide to using menstrual sponges, although we recommend those that are designed for this purpose, not makeup applicators.
Now suppose your partner’s moodiness or change in weight affects how much you are attracted to him. This is a transition into more psychological territory, and it’s not really cool, but no judgment; this guide is for help. Please bring up this topic if and when you see fit, keeping in mind that their health is a top priority, but your comfort is also important. This is a good first step to show that you understand that these changes are related to birth control, and are ready to help them resist in any way you can if they want to. In fact, showing concern and support will go a long way in alleviating any birth control problems they or you may have.
How to support someone on contraception
Nicole’s boyfriend helps her with physical therapy and they talk openly and often about how they prevent pregnancy and how her pills affect her. Not only does she not want to be a mother, but for a while she cannot be because she was on Accutane. Acne medication can cause serious birth defects, which is why she spoke frankly with her boyfriend about birth control. She views these conversations as a litmus test: “If you don’t have a partner who respects what you need, then you should probably find another partner.”
Sherri says her new boyfriend is helpful too and makes her nightly pills a little more fun, joking about that. Rachel, an Ohio woman who uses an IUD, is not currently a partner, but echoed Nicole’s approach, telling Lifehacker: “If you’re ever with someone who doesn’t want you to use contraception and / or I do not like how they can feel your NuvaRing [during intercourse], this is something that you need to evaluate taking into account your priorities and what is happening in your relationship. “
In short, be open and listen to what your partner has to say about their experience. Let’s say they tell you that they are feeling depressed or that due to irregular bleeding, they do not want to have sex. If you are not open and nice, they now have two problems to deal with – and not only will you not get sex, but you may also be dumped. To avoid those destinies – and, you know, strengthen your relationship – you may have to bring it up yourself, but Dr. Shah points out why it might be uncomfortable for them.
She notes: “Due to the stigma surrounding sex and the body, it is often embarrassing if you experience a side effect and you or your partner do not respond in the ‘right’ way – and it can be frustrating.”
One solution is to show interest as early as possible.
Both of you can take a look at the birth control options page at selectedparenthood.org to see all of the options outlined with the benefits and potential side effects. You can also take a birth control test together to see which options are best for you. It is important to talk openly with your partner about birth control because it is part of basic health care. Nearly all sexually active American cis women have used contraception at some point in their lives, and many trans and non-binary patients also use contraception. There is a lot to celebrate around birth control: the ability to plan, prevent, and delay pregnancy is directly linked to benefits for all people, not just those who may become pregnant, including more educational and economic opportunities, healthier children, and more stable families. … In addition, proper use of contraception can make you and your partner more comfortable and carefree during sex, in control of your sexual health and without worrying about the risk of an unplanned pregnancy.
Yes, and this leads to another conclusion: if your partner is at risk of bleeding, weight changes, moodiness, vaginal dryness and even (rarely!) Loss of typical hand function, at least in part so that you do not become a parent, ignore it. don’t forget to say thank you.