You Must Write Before Calling
In most cases, talking on the phone is inconvenient. There are less intrusive ways to communicate when things aren’t urgent, and picking up your phone can feel like a commitment as you devote time to a conversation that doesn’t need your attention right away.
This is why – with a few exceptions – you should try sending a text message before calling anyone on the phone. Even if it seems like an indirect way to get someone’s attention, it will likely help your relationship with them in the long run.
Calling out of nowhere can sound assertive.
Nothing screams “I demand that you devote time to me” like an impromptu phone call. Even in this time of isolation, people are still busy, with a constant stream of digital notifications and Zoom meeting reminders vying for their attention. The phone call hints at an immediate need for another person’s time; the text message nudges the ball a little, using the polite invitation to talk more when you get the chance.
Of course, people are tied to their mobile devices, but that doesn’t mean they are primarily used for making real phone calls. An unexpected noise in your pocket when you change your baby’s diapers or try to take the dog for a walk only exacerbates everyday stress. The busy person you are trying to reach will most likely want to send your call straight to voicemail.
People forget to call back
This is also true of texting, but the phone call seems much more temporary and therefore more likely to slip away from someone’s memory. Text or email at least has a longer lifespan. If initially ignored, it stays in your inbox as a reminder of what’s on your to-do list. In addition, text is implicitly less important than a phone call – it requires the attention of the recipient, although not immediately.
This may not be a good thing, but the ease of use of personal technology has made everyone clearly lazy. Time plays an important role in almost every aspect of life, so reading a text and typing an answer – even if it’s a little belated – sounds much easier than a bell.
Do you want someone to really have time
Even though your voice is filtered through the speaker, a phone call can promote deeper communication that requires more attention from the person you are calling. A phone call probably requires even more attention than talking to someone in person – there are no facial cues or shared visual experiences to rally around. From the caller’s point of view, you are doing yourself a disservice by calling someone without proper notification.
If you need someone’s full attention, sending them a message is a less intrusive way of letting them know. Especially if you have something personal or important to discuss, you cannot expect someone to have time to drop everything and focus on your needs. While that would be nice, not all of us are so lucky.
There are exceptions
Obviously, there are times when a phone call is justified due to unforeseen and extraordinary circumstances. For example, if you need to break some tragic news, you should call, considering that you want to add a human touch to the conversation. (Obviously, emergencies requiring an immediate response also fall into this category.)
Some people have an understanding of who falls on the small list of people who are allowed to call at any time. These are the people closest to you that you find it extremely difficult to worry about. Moreover, you understand that these people will understand if you cannot immediately talk, because you already have such a strong connection.
But such people are few, and in any case, they can just write to you to schedule a conversation for later.