Make New Year’s Eve Decisions With Your Children
I know I know. After we had a year, you don’t want to make decisions for yourself, let alone your kids. However, if you get it right and when your kids are at their best age (5-12 is the best place to start), you can tune them in to good goal-setting habits in the future. And as a bonus, you can set an example for your kids, which can be the motivation you need to finally build up your resolve.
Less “resolution”, more “target”
We like to call them “resolutions” this time of year, but a decision without a plan simply means failure. Make the decision to “eat better” without a real action plan, and you’ll be back at the cookie jar by Friday. But if you set yourself the goal of living a healthier lifestyle through specific incremental changes, such as walking conversations in the morning and choosing a few healthy new recipes to add to your regular meal plan, even small improvements can seem like a win.
It’s the same with children. If they decide to just “listen better,” they’ll shut you off before sunset tonight. New Year’s Eve for problem resolution is really just a good chance to talk to your kids about goal setting and how enjoyable it is to make a plan to improve what was difficult for you.
Make it a family matter
Turn off the TV and gather around the dining table. Come arm yourself with your own goal / solution and the steps you will take throughout the year to achieve it. For example, if you’ve been struggling to find enough time for yourself this year (hmm, all of us?), Your decision might be to set aside a small chunk of time each day for something you love. You can make a list of ideas: take a relaxing bath, call a friend, do yoga, or take a walk in your favorite park. Ask your children if they have suggestions that will help you achieve your goal.
Then ask them if they have a problem that they would like to work on. If they don’t have any ideas, you can give them general suggestions, such as school goals, behavioral goals, friends goals, or goals for more help around the house.
Then listen. Jennifer Kolari, child therapist and author of Connected Parenting , told Parents.com that parenting agendas shouldn’t be the driving force behind the conversation. Your kids may start with goals that are more “tangible,” such as collecting certain types of toys. This is fine!
“Don’t say ‘This is a bad target,’” says Kolari. Be open to what is important to them. “This is a great way to have a serious conversation with your children and find out what they are thinking.”
If tailor-made solutions seem too difficult for your children, you can also come up with a family solution. Discuss the most challenging time of the day for your family. Perhaps moving from breakfast to virtual work / school time was a challenge every day. Or maybe you all snapped at each other during your normal sleep patterns. Identify the family problem and talk about steps everyone can take to ease frustration.
Another option is to determine what you want to do more together as a family in the coming year, such as weekly play nights or monthly outings.
Keep it simple and positive.
We do not seek to overwhelm; two permits are enough for a child. They should be pretty simple and easy for you to digest. Christine Carter, author of Growing Happiness: 10 Easy Steps for Joyer Kids and Happier Parents , says it takes six weeks to develop a habit .
For example, if your child decides, “I’ll keep my room tidy,” he should write six tiny, simple steps and do one every week. “The first week he puts his shoes in the closet, the second week he lifts the pillow off the floor, and so on,” says Dr. Carter. Your child may end up doing much more than that. “There is a colossal side effect,” she says. “When people go about their purpose, they will go about other things.”
You can download the Dr. Carter Habit Tracking Form to help kids complete their decisions and the child’s steps to achieve them. Post your solutions on the fridge or family bulletin board and review them periodically throughout the year.
When you check for a year, if someone fails to meet a certain permit (and that someone could be you) , there is no need to shame or punish. This is an opportunity to reflect on how to adjust a goal or child’s steps for greater success. It helps children understand that goals are not set in stone; they are smooth and designed to adjust as needed over time.
This article was originally published in December 2018 and was updated on January 4, 2021 to reflect the current style and updated information.