How to Date Without Alcohol
Dating is hard. If you’re honestly trying to find someone special, the game requires you to accept a certain level of vulnerability. The conventional wisdom is that the awkward and unsettling parts of dating can be tamed somewhat by drinking.
Dating is now saturated with alcohol – 86 percent of people drink on their first dates, according to a poll by American Drug Treatment Centers – so dating can be even more intimidating for those of us who don’t drink.
Getting out into the world to start dating is nearly impossible in this pandemic-ridden environment, but when we finally emerge from our isolated bubbles and start looking for friendships, here’s how you can do it without drinking.
Try a sober lifestyle
You can’t really play bowling, mini golf, or tennis with a few glasses. However, you can set the tone for your sober date by doing something more risky than sitting at a table and eating.
Doing something more active or cultural – like visiting a museum – can allow you to get to know your potential partner as closely as sipping glasses of wine and joking.
According to Rhonda Milrad , founder and principal consultant of relationship counseling platform Relationup , completing a common task on a first date can kickstart a new relationship.
She told Bustle in 2019:
People create a connection by solving a problem together. The event itself creates an opportunity for interaction, which does not happen when you politely sit opposite each other at the table. In activities, you negotiate, compromise, collaborate, demand, share, and often work towards a common goal.
Make it clear that you are not drinking from the start
Because drunkenness is so deeply woven into our social fabric, the mere thought of a sober date can alienate some, even though it shouldn’t. If you tell the date that you don’t drink, it shouldn’t matter much; it’s actually more of a detachment that helps your date know that you’re not the type to frequent the cocktail bar.
Even if the conversation might elicit an odd reaction from your date, it can help you narrow down the question to a more manageable number of people who are willing to get to know you, even if you prefer sobriety.
There are sober dating apps
Does your yearning for a dry date bring a prolonged period of dryness? Technology can help. Instead of navigating the crowded dating scene for those who don’t mind your sobriety, you can turn to several apps specifically designed for sober singles.
A recent New York Times article mentions several:
In addition to traditional dating apps, there are online platforms such as 12StepMatch , Love in Recovery, and Single and Sober, where it’s clear no one drinks. The Loosid app , a sober social network launched in 2018, offers no-booze guides, chat groups, and a sober dating platform.
If you don’t mind online dating, this is a great way to find sober singles.
Sober dates are honest dates.
Perhaps the unintended benefit of dating sober: you don’t have a protective blanket of booze, so you may appear more honest and unadorned than your drunken self. It’s true that you don’t have the guts that you may have used in the past to strengthen your nerves and appear more flirty and spontaneous. But if you’re serious about finding someone who will mistake you for you, it really doesn’t matter if you love to drink or not.