How to Poke Someone With Your Finger

Finger masturbation is one of the best ways to please a woman. This allows you to give them really targeted, targeted stimulation and may be one of the best ways to help her orgasm. Compared to oral sex or intercourse, it is also relatively tax-free for the giver. Here’s what you need to know to touch someone with a vulva.

Make sure they are on board

As with any sexual activity, the first step is to make sure your partner agrees with enthusiasm.

Attitude is everything when it comes to fingering. In particular, many women struggle to have fun and worry that their partner is not enjoying the time and effort of fingering. If you are a man, keep in mind that many women feel pressured to allow vaginal intercourse to be the main event and mistakenly believe that they should get the most out of intercourse itself. Your partner may think of the fingering as “less”. You can help them relax by letting them know that you want to do this and that you have all the time in the world. Focus on staying relaxed and genuinely having fun. I promise they will notice it.

Get ready

Wash your hands before touching their bare skin. You don’t want to run the risk of spreading germs through your partner’s body. It is also important to have short filed nails. Sharp nails or jagged nails can really ruin your mood.

It’s also good to have an idea of ​​what you are going to touch. The term for the outer part of a woman’s genitals is the vulva. The vulva has two sets of labia – the outer and inner labia. The outer ones have hair (if they haven’t removed them), while the inner ones don’t. The inner labia are connected at the top of the vulva. The clitoris should be positioned around it – it is a small piece of skin that can vary in size. Some clits are large and protruding, while others are small and hidden under a small patch of skin called a hood. Below you will find the entrance to the vagina.

To take a position

I recommend sitting with your back against a wall or headboard with your legs extended or slightly bent. Have your partner lie on your back between your legs, with their feet pressed against the wall or the head of the bed. This position is fantastic because the vulva should be right in front of you, within arm’s reach. You can see what you are doing and give your partner targeted stimulation. You can easily switch between arms if one arm starts to tire a little. You can also stay in this position for a long time.

Do some warm-ups

Before even venturing to get close to the vulva, spend a lot of time teasing your partner and encouraging them to have more contact. Many people (especially men) underestimate preparation, but many say teasing is their favorite part of being touched. Spend tons of time kissing and playing with the rest of your body. Press your body against their crotch. Take off your pants, but keep your underwear. Run your palm up and down the labia. As you take off their underwear, continue stroking your labia with your whole hand without pulling them apart. Finally, part the labia with your fingertip and continue moving back and forth.

Use a lubricant

I cannot recommend lubrication enough. The tissues of the vulva are quite delicate, and if there is a lack of lubrication, it is often uncomfortable to touch them. The lubricant prevents discomfort when pulling the skin and also enhances the feel. I think the silicone based lubricant works best on the skin, especially on the fingers. I highly recommend getting a nice bottle to keep on your bedside table.

Examine the clitoris

When your partner really enjoys your efforts, you can focus on the clitoris. Most people love and need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. They are usually divided into two very broad camps: those who like direct stimulation of the clitoris, and those who do not. The clitoris is extremely sensitive, so some experience more pleasure with direct contact and others with indirect stimulation. There is no “better” or “worse”; it’s just personal preference. It is best to start with indirect stimulation. Start by moving slowly over the clitoris without touching it directly. Make circles tighter and tighter until you start touching your clitoris. If they pull away or tell you to be gentle, stick with indirect stimulation. If they like more direct stimulation, you can continue in a circular motion just above the clitoris. Or try running your finger diagonally across it.

And other areas too

While clitoral stimulation is generally best, you still want to target other parts of the body. Play with your chest , hips, and hips. You can also take teasing breaks away from the clitoris. Try dipping one or two fingers into your vagina. If you are nimble, you can even try to feel the vagina with one hand and the clitoris with the other.

Do not rush

Try to touch your partner for about 20 minutes, especially if you’ve been together before or has never had an orgasm with you. This gives both of you time to relax and immerse yourself in what is happening.

It’s nice to want to give your partner an orgasm, but don’t make him orgasm. They can still enjoy the experience and have tons of pleasure without having an orgasm. You can explain this by telling them, “I’ll just keep going. You tell me when you want me to stop. ” Most people with a female body require consistency to reach orgasm, so once you find something that seems to work, stick with it.

Feedback priority

I hope this article provides a useful introduction to fingering, but keep in mind that getting feedback from the person in front of you is much more important than memorizing my instructions.

There are two ways to get feedback: verbal and non-verbal. I think it’s best verbally, but I also know that this can be difficult for many. If you want verbal feedback, try to avoid broad questions such as “what do you want?” You want your partner to be able to focus most of their attention on feeling good about the moment, rather than trying to answer open-ended questions. Try two different methods instead. For example, if you circle your clitoris and stroke it diagonally, ask, “Do you like it better when I do this or that?” If you are in any kind of ongoing relationship, you can also ask for feedback at other times.

If you want non-verbal feedback, pay attention to their body language. If they push off your hand, it probably means that they want more pressure, more speed, or more direct contact with the clitoris. If they wriggle against your hand, or seem to change their position, it is probably because you are being too direct or too oblique. If you haven’t touched your clitoris at the time, try touching it more directly. If you touched it at the time, switch to indirect. Watch for anything that makes breathing difficult or causes moaning. This article was originally published in December 2017 and has been updated on December 18, 2020 to include gender-neutral language and pronouns, and to update content for the current Lifehacker style.