How to Get Your Kids to Sleep: an Age Guide

Disturbed sleep is one of the inevitable reasons to become a parent. Even if you are really lucky to have a baby who sleeps all night, it’s not a guarantee that problems will not arise later – whether he refuses to doze as a child or she never seems to get enough sleep as a teenager.

Most parents are on their own bitter experience know that sleep badly underestimated. Before you had a baby, of course, you thought you were taking care of sleep, but that was not the most precious, elusive, one thing you wouldn’t do after the baby was born. At the same time, children, toddlers, schoolchildren, and even teenagers do not seem to value sleep at all, despite the fact that it is very important for their development. While every child is different and we can’t cover as much as entire books written on the subject, we’ve learned several lessons over the years and turned to several sleep experts for advice on this most important issue.

First, watch Samuel L. Jackson read this classic bedtime book:

Back? Then let’s put these children to bed.

“Will I ever be able to sleep again?” phase: from birth to 1 year

Newborns and babies need to be fed every few hours because their tiny stomachs can only hold a certain amount of food. This directly contradicts our need to sleep through the night. If you cannot afford to have someone else feed your baby, you cannot avoid feeding around the clock. Here’s what you can deal with during this most sleepless time:

• The child wakes up screaming every few hours. This is actually done on purpose (see Stomach Capacity above). If you have a partner or other helper, it is very important to tag the command to make it more bearable – change who has to get up for every other feed. (If you are breastfeeding, this means you have to pump out “extra” milk to skip feeds, which also sucks. There are ways to increase milk production , but this is still a labor of love.) Also remember the mantra: “Sleep when the baby sleeps. “And to hell with the rest. Yes, this may be the only time you have during the day, but sleep is still more important than anything else you do during this time.
• Your baby will never fall asleep after feeding. Babies don’t know when it is night or day, and they don’t care. When you come to feed them, they think it’s time to play, and they try to keep you there as long as possible, because babies are plotting little things. To avoid this, try to be as boring as possible while trying to help your child fall asleep again. Specifically: turn off the lights in the middle of the night and be as subdued, quiet and fast as possible.
• You fall asleep while breastfeeding. This is not a problem, this is a solution! Seriously, if you are breastfeeding, lying down to feed is one of the best ways to get some rest.
• Your child will not go to bed or doze when he is supposed to. Check the obvious first. Do I need to change the diaper? Will you put your child in a sleep-promoting environment (the same things we adults need to sleep better )? Is the child overly stimulated (for example, is active all day and then plays horse right before bed)? Did your child fail to take a nap or fell asleep too late? Parenting and health expert Dr.William Sears offers some tips on how to help a child who refuses to sleep, including carrying or naping with a carrier.
• Your child is awake all night. This may be perhaps the most important milestone and biggest parenting question: When will my child finally sleep through the night? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most babies allow you to get adequate sleep (seven or eight hours continuously) starting at three months of age, but every baby is different. If your child is not listening, you can try adding more active play during the day and establish a more consistent bedtime ritual (eg, bath, song, story, bed). One thing that won’t help is skipping sleep; It seems like it makes sense to keep babies as long as possible so that they sleep longer at night, but naps are important for a baby’s growth, mood, and sleep at night . Between the ages of six and nine months, the baby needs to sleep twice a day; Over-stimulation and skipping sleep can cause shorter sleep patterns, poor sleep, and nighttime awakenings. Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 Ss System for Happiest Baby can help your baby fall asleep faster and sleep longer: Swaddle; lay the baby on its side / stomach to calm him down if crying, then lay him on his back to sleep (never leave the baby on his side / stomach to sleep); soothe with hissing sounds; and try rocking / rocking her and making sure she has something to suck on. Also, know that “sleeping all night” can mean anything – 7pm to 7am or 10pm to 6am – but take whatever you can get, parents!
• Your baby keeps waking up. From about eight months of age and into the early years of life, children may develop separation anxiety. This means that while he sleeps great all night, he resists false sleep and wakes up more often looking for you. This is probably the most difficult time when your child is crying for you and you are not sure if you should let him “shout it out” or go out and comfort the child. Sleep expert Dr. Nitun Verma says it’s like putting on a patch : do it fast and hard, or slow to prolong the experience; both are painful. It’s up to you which method to use. Verma assures me that it is more difficult for parents than for children.

A special case is if your child has colic. This is a special problem, but it can seriously affect your sleep. Dr. Scott Seege , board certified pediatrician and medical director at Baystate Medical Practices – Quabbin Pediatrics in Ware, MA, says colic is commonly diagnosed in babies between two weeks and four months of age as excessive crying due to an unknown cause. causes. For example, crying due to formula intolerance should not be considered colic because there is a specific reason for it. Doctors try to eliminate the causes before attributing crying to colic. Anyway:

Once colic is diagnosed, the first steps are soothing, soothing, and soothing. I think it is helpful to understand that the baby is really okay, and that it may indeed be impossible to stop crying, and that this is normal. I recommend that parents develop a routine to quickly identify the cause of their crying baby. This can be “hold, pump, stew, check the diaper, feed, etc.” If all else fails, you may have to come to terms with the baby crying, and the parent should avoid doing so. I reassure parents that if they are depressed, they can put the baby in a safe place, such as a crib, and leave. To a lot of parents (and perhaps your readers) this sounds terrible, but it really does take time for parents to relax and then return to their child in a better mood, which makes them a much better parent at this point.

Surprisingly, the frequent colic resolves within a short period of time, leaving the lovely baby that parents have always expected to have.

It’s also time to mention that sometimes none of this works . Unfortunately, that’s okay too.

This may be the most important message for all parents in this age range: it will pass (and, in hindsight, too soon). Try to remain patient and loving, but at the same time consistent. This will help teach your child the important skill of falling asleep on their own.

“What happened to your dream?” phase: from 1 to 6 years

In the previous step, you just need to try to cope with the lack of sleep and, if possible, avoid instilling bad sleep habits. After infancy, Verma says it’s all about establishing a consistent bedtime routine ( just like us adults ). Easier said than done.

• Establish a daily routine before bed. As with adults, avoid digital screens while relaxing. Dim the lights, hug your child, and grab a book. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 3 basic rules: brushing your teeth, reading books, and going to bed according to your daily routine. When I asked my child how parents can help their children fall asleep, she basically repeated these sentences, adding of course her own conditions: “Snuggle with Mom all night , read the longest book you have, listen to the story that continues until the baby falls asleep. “More qualified professionals say the procedure should last 30 minutes to an hour before the baby falls asleep. (According to Babycenter, babies need 10 to 11 hours of sleep plus naps for the first three years and then 10 to 12 hours for larger children).
• Start your routine early enough. You can’t really control how long your baby sleeps, but you should try to start this routine around the same time every day. If your child shows signs of frequent overwork, try changing the start time 30 minutes earlier.
• Stay consistent. Every family member must follow a daily routine, which is difficult if the parents’ schedules are irregular. This is also the time when toddlers start getting out of bed, and older children start negotiating to stay awake longer – just 10 minutes, please ! Try to stick to the plan (maybe even make a sticker or drawing of the schedule in the bedroom), because doing the same things every night can actually help your child fall asleep easier by giving them body cues to sleep. …
• But there is no need to emphasize this. Verma says that if you emphasize the importance of your kids going to bed on time, they will notice it, and it will only make the situation worse.

Other issues that may arise during this time may include bedwetting, which Dr. Sears can help you with, and nighttime fears, for which the National Sleep Foundation offers advice (I love the “flashlight” and “monster spray” ideas ).

Phase “Ooooh, nice to meet again, to sleep”: ages from 7 to 12 years old.

As they get older, babies sleep better. (At least I was told so.) At this age, it is mainly a matter of adhering to a bedtime routine and maintaining good “sleep hygiene.”

• Follow a daily routine before bed. The routine will likely change as your child is older and able to go to bed, but the basic principles of moving from active to quieter activities and disconnecting from video games and TV still apply.
• Limit extracurricular activities. Extracurricular activities are important, but too many, combined with too much homework, can push bedtime later and later. Children of this age still need about 10-11 hours of sleep per day, although this is only about nine hours on average.
• Don’t let the weekend get confused. Sleeping on weekends doesn’t help anyone catch up and instead can knock our inner clocks off. The policy of staying up late “because it’s the weekend” can jeopardize your baby’s sleep next week, so try to avoid it if you can.

Phase “wake up, sleepyhead”: from 13 years old.

Most teenagers don’t get enough sleep . They need a full nine hours, but getting it is next to impossible for them. This is because teens’ circadian rhythms are temporarily reset and they become night owls – later falling asleep and later waking up, Verma says. Given that most schools start early and have more homework than even their parents can do , this is a dire situation. Author David K. Randall, quoted in Brain Pickings , clarifies [emphasis mine]:

A cruel joke of biologists goes something like this: when the body of a teenager goes through puberty, his circadian rhythm significantly shifts back three hours. Suddenly going to bed at nine or ten o’clock in the evening became not only boring, but almost biologically impossible. Studies of adolescents around the world have shown that adolescent brains do not release melatonin until about eleven o’clock in the morning and continues to release the hormone long before sunrise. Meanwhile, when adults wake up, there is almost no melatonin in their bodies. Because melatonin enters their bloodstream, teens who are forced to stay awake until eight in the morning are often barely awake and wanting nothing more than to obey their body’s demands and fall asleep again. Because of the shift in their circadian rhythm, asking your teen to do well in class in the early morning is like asking him or her to fly across the country and instantly adjust to a new time zone, then do the same every night. , for four years .

There are only a few things we can do to help:

• Blue light therapy. The blue light we saw earlier can heighten alertness . Thus, blue light bulbs or lamps in the morning can help your child adapt faster. (The wavelength most studied to help owls is 470 nanometers, says Verma.)
• Reserve the bed for sleeping only. Advise your teen to have a good bedtime routine (yes, anyway!), Which may include reading, but preferably not in bed, explains Shige: “The act of going to bed can be used as a final trigger for the brain to say, “I’m going to sleep now,” so you only need to go to bed at the moment when someone is really going to fall asleep. ” Good advice for adults too .
• Disable screens an hour before bedtime. Encourage your teen to keep the cell phone away from the bedroom (don’t laugh, anything is possible!).
• Avoid stimulants. Per Siege: “Caffeine, alcohol, tobacco and of course other recreational substances can interfere with normal sleep and should be avoided by those struggling with insomnia.”
• Encourage your school district to start later. Research has shown that schools that tried to start learning later had more successful students. Moreover, in these areas there were fewer accidents caused by teenage drivers. 46 states currently have at least one county that has postponed their start times, and you can join the national movement to push back your middle and high school start times in the Start Later section .
• Set your bedtime. Even if it’s 11:30 p.m., according to a 2019 study , if you, a parent, set a bedtime for your teenager, it could mean he’ll sleep better. NPR says this is because parents think sleep is important. Yes, we definitely do.

This story was originally published in December 2013 and updated on December 17, 2020 to provide updated links, more information, and a new header photo, as well as bring content in line with the current style of Lifehacker.

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