How to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship
Most people don’t start a relationship from a distance, thinking it will be easy, but even if you enter it with your eyes open, you may find it much more difficult than you expected. No matter how hard you try to mentally and financially prepare for a romantic relationship in which you are separated from your partner by a significant distance, there is a good chance that you will face problems that you could not even imagine before. This does not mean that long-distance relationships are doomed to failure (they are not), or that they create more problems than they are worth (this depends on the situation).
Much of the “best practice” advice for long distance relationships is based on the fact that “communication is key.” While this is definitely the case, there are more subtle nuances here. To begin with, there are many different types of communication, not all of which are productive. Much depends on how you say something, not just what you say. In addition, there are many other things to keep in mind besides communication. Here are some tips from relationship experts on how to best maintain long-distance relationships.
Take advantage of Zoom and FaceTime
Let’s get rid of that first, because along with the advice that communication is key and part of it, there is another routine advice to take advantage of the technology at our disposal, which means Zoom and FaceTime right now. and other personal chat programs. Yes, being able to see your person (virtually) can really make a difference. We covered Zoom dating in some detail a few months ago ( you can read this article here ), so for now we’ll focus on other, less obvious strategies.
There must be an end goal
What’s the point of investing time and energy in a relationship that doesn’t have a definite endpoint? While this doesn’t have to mean marriage, you must have some kind of plan that suggests that one or both of you will move to the same location at some point in the future.
“Long-distance relationship can not thrive in an eternal uncertainty”, – said Lifehacker Rachel DeAlto , Senior Expert of dating Match . “What are the plans for the unification in the end? Are these negotiations ongoing? In the end, difficult conversations have to happen. “
Explore each other’s daily routines
A lot of anxiety in long distance relationships can arise from not hearing your partner when you expect it to. They are allright? Are they upset? Did you do something to hurt them? According to Kimi Park, co-owner and in-house dating expert at Kippo , a social dating app that connects people both romantically and platonically through a shared interest in games.
“It’s important to know when your significant other is working, sleeping, walking the dog, etc., so that you don’t bother them all the time while they are away and [feel] ignored,” she tells Lifehacker. “Knowing each other’s schedules can also help you feel part of each other’s daily life.” The park recommends letting the other person know what your schedule looks like on a given day and keeping each other informed of major changes.
Create the things you expect together
Sure, you can count on face-to-face visits (although COVID doesn’t have to do it right now), but they tend to be few. So in addition to the big things, make the effort to do the smaller (but still meaningful) things to look forward to.
“Think of your relationship as morning, noon, and night, not just weekends or check-ins after work. You have to mix it up, says Lifehacker Tammy Shackley, LGBTQ relations expert and president of H4M Matchmaking . “Each of you must offer something to expect.” She recommends scheduling video calls for events such as having a coffee together, meeting on a park bench, or virtual cooking your favorite meal.
Manage your expectations
Since there are no standard, generally accepted “rules” for long-distance relationships, it is possible that both parties will have different expectations. “Managing expectations is also important,” says DeAlto. “How much communication is expected? How often will you see each other? If one person has a perfect understanding of a relationship that they don’t share, it’s frustrating. “
Create emotional closeness
According to DeAlto, long-distance relationships must compensate for the lack of physical intimacy with increased emotional intimacy, which means that communication must be deep and meaningful. “It doesn’t have to be every conversation, but vulnerability and real conversations on real topics can help couples stay connected when they are far apart,” she explains. “All couples, but especially long-distance couples, need to focus on talking to each other from heart to head.”
Give the other person space
While knowing their daily routine and creating emotional closeness is absolutely essential, it’s also important to give the other person space, Park says. “If you’re single or living together, you wouldn’t be with each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so don’t expect your virtual relationship to be the same,” she explains. “While you may find yourself more attached to your phone or computer than usual, be sure to take a step back and pause the conversation during the day. This will help you treat the relationship in a way that you would probably do personally, and will not make either partner feel like they are stumped too early. ”
Maintain relationships with mutual friends
Being distant means not having the usual opportunities to meet a person’s friends or family, or to see your mutual friends. Shakly suggests scheduling a time for you and your partner to meet other important people in your life for a virtual coffee or glass of wine. This will help you feel less isolated and give you the opportunity to connect with other people as a couple. “Let them support you in this relationship at a distance and continue to get to know this partner,” she adds.
Avoid certain topics in the text
If you have anything you need to discuss with your partner about ever-challenging topics like religion, politics, or one of your exes, Shackley recommends scheduling a phone or video call rather than trying to talk via text message.
Remember you must support each other.
According to Shakli, people in any relationship should support each other. She suggests finding ways to support and reward each other’s work, health, or fitness goals, and reviewing those goals periodically.
In a similar vein, Shakli also recommends finding kind and caring ways to test each other’s happiness. You can start by asking if you are happy and if you think your partner is happy too. Then, she says, ask yourself how you could be a better long distance partner that day / week / month.