Stop Calling Kids Picky Eaters
Life is about growing, learning, and transforming (or trying to transform) into the best possible versions of ourselves. So there’s something I’m going to stop doing, and I would like you all to join me on this quest: I think it’s time to stop calling some kids “picky eaters.”
To be clear, I never considered a child a “picky eater” in the face – for the same reason that I would not call a child “stubborn” in the face. Some might say that my own son falls into both of these categories; but I would not say that, because it would not be good. Is the list of what he likes to eat a little limited? Certainly. Is he persistent in his stance on how much sauce is acceptable to add to his spaghetti noodles? Why yes, it is. But it normal. He’s a kid, and sometimes kids don’t like what adults like.
But I’m talking about fighting picking up a picky eater with other people who are n’t children. In fact, as shown by their own LifeHacker archives, I am guilty of this more and more and more time. (Look, I’m not perfect! Also, “picky eater” is better for a headline than, say, “a kid with a particularly picky taste.”)
But a recent Twitter thread by writer Anna Therio made me think that our views on this are in some way completely wrong:
I suggest you click and read the entire thread because it makes some really great comments. For now, here are my thoughts on the so-called picky eaters:
You weren’t the reason for this
Many people think that picky eaters are “created” by their parents’ bad habits. That is, unless your child turns out to be picky, in which case you say, “Yeah, I was wrong about that.”
On the other hand, if your child eats everything from scallops to broccoli to the finest sushi, don’t tell me it’s because of the way you fed him when he was 18 months old; I did that too, and you can see your complacency. Children will be children, End.
Food is a challenging sensory experience
Anyone who says that “when they are hungry enough, they will eat whatever is offered,” has never met a determined child on a hunger strike. It’s not that they don’t want to eat. (Well, sometimes it happens.) More often than not, what you offer them is literally worse than hunger.
You might be thinking, but if you like pizza sauce, why not try noodle sauce ? Or if you like a cold cheese sandwich, why can’t I make you a grilled cheese sandwich ? Because they are different textures, that’s why. Personally, I really like almonds. Almond oil though? There is no desire to try it. I do not like.
Eating is a complex sensory experience, full of smells, tastes and textures, and many children are sensitive to different smells and textures. If a child can’t stand the feeling of a sock seam, why are we shocked when he is horrified by the grated salad on his sandwich?
Is it good to use your adult reasoning skills to try and explain why both bread and toast are good? Oh sure! But if they are completely resistant to cooked bread, maybe don’t worry about that for now. After all …
This is the stage
For most people, restricting taste is just a phase. Guess who was “picky about food” as a kid? Yeah, that girl. Guess who grew up to eat pretty much whatever you put her? And me! (Except for everything related to peanuts, but I still hope my tastes change in that regard; peanuts are present in a lot of things, as you might have noticed.)
But I was an adult before I started eating foods like seafood and vegetables other than corn. When you put labels on children, they tend to go up – or down – to that label, to you look at them. Not to mention, this is probably an imprecise way to describe them throughout their lives. They (probably) won’t want to eat chicken nuggets every day for the rest of their lives.
Even if you don’t categorically call them a “picky eater,” they probably realize that their limited sympathies are a source of frustration for you. The less you focus on the fact that they seem to only love beige foods, and the more you focus on building a healthy relationship with food, the better they will be in the long run.
Oh, and while we’re talking about kids who don’t want to eat, here’s another quick reminder of what you shouldn’t do: Don’t force kids to eat foods they don’t want to eat. My own parents once made the same mistake with me and the Lima beans (in the first place). It ended badly, and to this day, the sight of lima beans makes my stomach spin, despite the fact that as an adult I loved almost any other beans.
There are many ways to deal with food difficulties, but I will tell you the rule in our home. You must taste one bite before you can say, “No thanks.” I do this to encourage my son, in small doses, to branch out a little. And he knows I won’t push him to bite again if he doesn’t like it, so it can handle one tiny taste.
This method eventually led him to love different foods that were exposed from time to time, as well as a couple of unexpected instant wins (I would never call him a shrimp guy, but miracles are still possible). However, if I know he really doesn’t like it – couscous, I look at you – I give him something else that I know he likes. I’m trying to broaden his horizons, not make him vomit at the dinner table.