All Breaks in Toilet Paper Rolls Are Bad
Temperatures across the country are starting to drop, which means we will be staying inside even longer than we already were, which means that many of us will turn to some kind of craft. If you’re an active person who loves to repurpose potential trash, you might be tempted by toilet paper roll crafts or tricks. Please do not. There just aren’t any good tips or toilet paper crafts – a fact that can be easily verified by a quick Google image search:
I’m not sure exactly who is to blame, but Pinterest obviously makes up the bulk of the problem. ( Toilet Paper Roll Crafts has nearly 220,000 followers!) Things are especially grim on the eve of the holidays, when bloggers of all kinds suggest that children use spent rolls to make useless figurines modeled after seasonal images. Children playing with the painted ones? [ Note from parents / editor: No. ] Do parents keep them in a special box and take them out every year for decoration? [ Parent / editor’s note: No, damn it. ] Is the event itself entertaining? [ Parent / editor’s note: Are you kidding? ]) You just don’t need ghosts in toilet paper rolls , turkeys (or * shuddering * pilgrims), Santa and snowmen in toilet paper rolls ; especially when you can decorate a pumpkin (use markers if you don’t want to give your child a knife), draw a hand turkey, or make a snowman out of real snow.
Toilet roll crafts are violent, unpleasant to look at, and downright bad. Giving someone a gift in a roll of toilet paper is disrespectful. Giving a child a roll of kazoo toilet paper and asking him to put his mouth on it is unsanitary. I have no idea who toilet paper roll decorations are for .
Respect yourself. Find another environment. There are so many good crafting and action options out there that don’t involve using a skeleton made from stuff that wipes your ass off – I just don’t understand why this is a crafting genre.
Not only are the toilet paper roll crafts ugly, they are rude. Toilet paper lives in the bathroom by absorbing moisture (which bacteria love). It is also located next to the toilet, which means that even if you and your family are very vigilant and close the toilet before flushing, it is constantly exposed to the cloud of microorganisms that inhabit the toilet . Unlike other things in your bathroom, you can’t easily wash or sterilize a wet cardboard tube, making it a poor candidate for repurposing (but a great candidate for recycling).
In addition, there are the “hacks” themselves, some of which were published on the same site. (This is true: we are not without sin, even though these specific sins were committed about seven years ago, and long before I got here.) The most offensive example of this genre is the culinary trick, which involves using a toilet paper tube to cut corn on the cob , which is incredibly disrespectful to corn. Take the thing that stood in the bathroom – right next to the toilet – for a few days, and then it comes in contact with the literal food is not suitable for any of my books. And this corn, frankly, doesn’t look very stable anyway. (I’m not impressed with any of them either .)
If you just need to use a cardboard tube to organize your cords or ties , or if your artistic vision calls for this particular type of recycled material, consider cutting a used paper towel roll in half. The result will not be more aesthetic, but at least it will be poop-free.