How to Talk to Teens About Losing Weight

You’ve probably heard adults complain about “quarantine-ten” or even “quarantine-15” – a joking way of admitting that we gained weight even though during the pandemic we were mostly isolated from the rest of humanity. similar feelings from my friends and family, and I saw them spill over on my social media feeds. But it’s not just adults who notice changes in their bodies during this time – teens may also be experiencing weight gain and some associated shyness right now.

Reddit user u / magneticsouth noted an increase in the number of teens who are posting a “ Lose Fat ” message board on websites asking for help in losing weight:

Since most of us are adults here, we know that teens require more calories as they are still growing than adults with similar characteristics. I would like to use this post as a starting point for us as a community to promote and encourage HEALTHY and SUSTAINABLE habits for these teens without shutting them down, rejecting them, or suggesting disadvantages that are only suitable for adults.

Ironically, clinical psychologist Dr. Rebecca Katz says she and her colleagues have also seen an increase in loyal clients and parents worried that someone in their family is focusing too much on body image. This could be due to actual weight gain or how our social interactions changed during the pandemic.

“I think a lot of time is being spent on fewer social contacts and more attention to social media and images on the Internet,” says Katz, who specializes in treating eating and weight disorders. “Even if they are people you know, these images are carefully selected.”

In other words, in the pre-pandemic period, the teenager might have been used to seeing all those selfies at the right angle and with the nicest lighting, but went to school the next day and saw all of his classmates in the wild. and do not always look like the most perfect photogenic versions of themselves. Right now, this reality check is not an option for many teens.

Let’s talk about growth

Before we discuss when you should be concerned or how to support your child if they are shy about their weight, let’s talk about what a child’s height should actually look like, which has nothing to do with body mass index (BMI) numbers. you depending on their height and weight.

Remember when our children were babies and during the first year of life they grew at a staggering rate, and we were happy with every new roll of baby fat? Something similar happens as puberty approaches, Katz says.

“Babies can grow up to 6-8 inches or 40 pounds during the burst of puberty,” she says. “It can be a little unsettling for both the parent and the child at first.”

What’s less important than how much they grow, or what the BMI calculator says (and Katz strongly recommends ditching them altogether) is that they grow fairly consistently on their own personal growth curve. A child in the 95th percentile from early childhood is likely to continue to grow faster in height and weight than many of his peers, because this is how his body grows naturally. And Katz compares a growing child’s body to building a house from a foundation.

“Our kids can’t grow up if they haven’t accumulated enough material on their bodies,” she says.

Focus on a comprehensive approach

Whether your child has expressed concerns about their weight or not, it is important to model a comprehensive approach to eating; Katz says she even prefers to play down “healthy eating” in favor of an “everything is good for food” mentality.

“If you eat potato chips, it will not have a terrible outcome,” she says. “Every kind of food has a place in our life.”

This means that you can model balanced consumption of different types of food, talk about food as fuel for everything our body does, and, when possible, eat together with the whole family so that parents can model these habits. And give up any talk of “calories” in your home.

Get your body to move

Of course, some people exercise to lose weight. But regular exercise is also beneficial for our overall physical and mental health, and therefore we must encourage and support our children’s desire and need to move more.

“Parents can say, ‘We need to get out of the house,’” Katz says. “They can encourage this by honestly saying, ‘I feel a little moody; we need to get out of here. “

And getting around with the whole family – hiking, biking, walking around the neighborhood, or even an epic water battle – also gives you the ability to simulate safe and moderate exercise while walking, taking water, and taking breaks.

If teens come to you with problems

It’s good to do all this all the time; but what if your child still comes to you and says that he is ashamed of his body or wants to lose weight? Katz advises that you first respond in the same way you would to any anxiety your child might have — with empathy.

“Your heart will sympathize with them, so take some time to sympathize,” she says. And then tackle all of the above again: family meal time, talking about food as fuel for all the important things our bodies do, simulating that locomotion is important to our overall health, and making sure that all-round meals and snacks are available. for our children. The best we can do here is model, model, model.

“The strongest intervention is the family component,” says Katz.

After all, if they just don’t take your word for it, setting aside time for them to speak with a trusted pediatrician can help them gain the perspective and objectivity they need.

When should you seek outside help?

If you suspect that any self-harm has occurred, or you have other safety concerns, you should seek help immediately. Other signs of an eating or body image disorder may include skipping meals or snacks, or resisting a meal. (Katz says lunch is often the first meal of the day because it’s the least obvious given that parents and teens often don’t eat lunch together.)

Increased physical activity combined with anxiety can also be a red flag. Katz says comments such as “I have to go out and run” or “I feel unwell because I didn’t run today,” may indicate that their levels of anxiety about physical activity have increased.

In such cases, a good first step is to visit a pediatrician who can check the weight and compare where the teen’s weight is now with how his weight gain has increased in the past. The doctor may also do some laboratory work and record several key metrics, such as heart rate, to establish a baseline and check their general health.

From there, your pediatrician can refer you to a psychologist or social worker. If you are exploring this option, Katz cautions that the professionals you communicate with must be specially trained in the treatment of eating and weight disorders; According to her, the therapist will not have enough knowledge in this particular area to help effectively.

The National Eating Disorders Association can also be a good starting point for more information, and Katz invites parents of younger children to check out Ellen Sutter ‘s resources and books on children and your child’s weight, including your child’s weight : Help Without Harm .