Write This Comment on Facebook and Then Delete It
We’ve all tried to log out of Facebook for years. Science tells us we have to do this , and maybe some of us even managed to do it – at least until the pandemic brought us back, as all regular social interactions, not to mention church services and activities zumba have been translated online. Even if you can’t completely log out of Facebook (although we can tell you how to do it if you want to ), there is an easy way to experience it yourself – and almost anywhere else on the Internet, for that matter, is a little better. …
If you are guessing it has to do with the comments, well, this is clearly not your first day on the Internet. For years, Extremely Online’s wise advice was “never read comments,” but lately I’ve been living up to a decree that may be even more important: never leave a comment. You can enter it, but you should definitely delete it before actually posting it.
Especially during the pandemic – but also since time immemorial – commenting on social media has become ugly. The Atlantic argued yesterday that the ongoing feud between mask supporters and anti -masks in North Carolina is symbolic of a new COVID front in the online culture wars, but you probably don’t need the media to give any examples when walking through your own tape will do.
I ran into this yesterday with a “friend” of a high school friend – someone I’ve never met, who knows someone I haven’t spoken to in person in over 20 years – who was telling people, expressing concerns about re-starting schools work into the fall of the fact that they “live in fear” of the virus with a “survival rate of 99.9%” and that “the number of cases is exaggerated, there is more going on here.” The comments were so inflammatory – for me – that I broke my social media rule, left a comment, and for the next few hours regretted it. Here’s the thing: Leaving this comment on Facebook was nice … for a minute. I knew I was right and she was wrong, and I had the facts to prove it. Unfortunately, she felt the same way about me and proceeded to respond again, using her own (in my opinion) twisted and fabricated facts (no pun intended) to support her argument. Ten comments later, I was in a bad mood and regretted everything. And it goes without saying that minds were not open, and no common ground was found.
What I had to do – what I always try to do – is to type my angry but well reasoned answer, let it stand for 10 seconds, and then delete it before hitting return. It’s surprisingly effective. I get the same satisfaction when I state my argument and point out all the reasons the other person is wrong, but I don’t have to deal with negative consequences – that is, with the inevitable back and forth motion that will at best end our agreement to disagree , and in the worst case, it will turn into a waste of time, the stress of which I will transfer to the offline world. Maybe you’re willing to argue that if we don’t fix the misinformation we’re facing on the Internet, things will only get worse – I see you preparing your commenting fingers. But the fact is, there is a lot of evidence that online disputes never make sense. A recent study by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley and the University of Chicago ( published by Southern Living ) suggests that the dehumanizing aspects of online communication make it particularly difficult for us to consider opinions we disagree with as coming from another “capable person.” “In contrast to personal debate, online controversies lead us to view those we quarrel with – often nothing more than unfamiliar names and tiny profile pictures, perhaps covered in American flags – as“ relatively meaningless, ”according to the study. Southern Life Notes:
[The survey] asked 300 volunteers to read, watch a video, or listen to arguments on controversial topics … [then] answer questions about opinions they disagree with. When they read the different opinions, the participants completely ignored the opposing opinions, describing them as “ignorant or heartless.” When they heard or saw someone express an opinion with which they disagree, they responded kinder and softer.
Explore your feelings, you know it’s true. Arguing online sucks. Stopping a cold turkey is tricky, and a type-then-drop strategy may be the methadone you need to avoid being drawn into a new all-out flame war. And this isn’t just about Facebook; Arguing anywhere on the Internet is equally fruitless, from Facebook to Twitter to the comment section of a blog that just pissed you off. You should stop. We must all stop.