Start Having a Conversation With Your Children
When I was in high school, I had a notebook that I passed on to two friends. Each took turns writing on it, passing it through the hallways between classrooms like one endless spiral bound note – sending text messages before they were sent. We drew pictures, complained that biology lessons were boring, made plans for the weekend. It was kind of a conversation diary and you can do that with your kids too.
Karenna Meredith, assistant editor at PopSugar , writes that the teacher kept a diary of conversations with her and her classmates when she was in kindergarten. Her mom saw the value of this technique, so when kindergarten was over, they started their own – and she and her mom kept doing it, rewriting back and forth, right up until she went to college:
I wrote to her about my experiences and victories, my hobbies and assessments, my disappointments and difficulties. When I had a falling out with my father, when I needed my first mobile phone or a Facebook account, it was all recorded in my diary. She responded with advice, sympathy and love. We almost never spoke out loud about my recordings – at least until I was ready for it. There was an element of trust in what we wrote. If it was written in the magazine, it was safe from judgment.
This is similar to how often deep conversations can occur with children during a car ride – there is something about not being face to face that gives them the opportunity to be a little more open and vulnerable. And it doesn’t have to be serious all the time; use the diary for fun, telling each other anecdotes or funny stories from your day.
Any notebook you have at home will do; maybe you can add some stickers or designs on the front to personalize it. After you have written the entry, set aside a secluded spot for the journal so the other person knows that it is their turn to read and write, but it will not fall into the hands of another family member. Pass it back and forth on a regular schedule or whenever the mood strikes – whatever works best for both of you. The specific rules are less important than the connection process.
However, the key seems to lie in this: the conversation diary is a sacred place. What is said in the diary should remain in the journal – at least until they come to you to discuss what they wrote about in person.