How to Talk to Children About Job Loss

If you’re one of the tens of millions of Americans who became unemployed during the pandemic, you’ve probably faced more stress than just isolation, distance learning, and social distancing (and that was enough to get you started). It can be difficult to know if or how to approach the topic of job loss with your children; you don’t want to burden them or add more anxiety to an already difficult year.

But chances are they already know something is wrong. And there are ways to talk to them honestly and frankly about it without worrying.

Don’t try to hide it

If they are not very young, if you have worked outside the home before and no longer leave for work at exactly 8 in the morning, they will notice that something is wrong. And even if you have worked from home, you will most likely no longer spend eight hours straight at the computer, and they will notice it too.

But even if you managed to hide the changes in your schedule, children are very good at capturing the emotional temperature in the room – that is, if you are stressed, chances are that they already know you. ” re-emphasized. And if they don’t know why you’re stressed, children also have a tendency to come up with their own scripts; and instead of another explanation, they often assume that they are the root cause.

You don’t want to put your adult burden on their shoulders, but you want to accept that even though you are going through tough times, you have a plan and your family will be fine.

Talk to them with “hopeful realism”

If you have a partner, sit down with him first to discuss how you will talk to your children about your job loss; you need to be on the same page. Also, choose a time to talk to the kids when you feel calm, rather than right after you receive the news or before you actually process what happened.

They will generally understand how to react to your demeanor, so try to talk to them “hopefully realistically,” as psychotherapist Amy Maureen writes for the Very Well Family :

Your first instinct might be to embellish the situation so it doesn’t sound so bad, but downplaying the seriousness of the situation too much is a mistake.

You don’t want to overdo it with drama. So, find a middle ground if we hope to be realistic about what job loss means for your family.

Your tone is really the most important thing here; The actual words you use will depend on your family’s financial situation and your child’s age. If your family is financially secure and you can live for weeks or months without income, let them know. If that means that this is not the case and some of the extra services they are used to, like weekly pizza delivery, need to be put on hold while you are looking for a new job, you can tell them so too. And do not forget to point out all the people who support you in your life, for example, their grandparents or other loved ones who will help if necessary.

Toddlers and toddlers probably won’t need too many details. You can tell them the reason for losing their job, but don’t complicate it: the company is closing or they don’t need as many employees as they used to because they are not so busy. And they will probably want to know how it will directly affect them (can they still attend summer camp?).

Teens and teens may want to dig a little deeper and better understand the financial picture of a family. Discuss your plans for the future, whether it’s looking for a new job, freelancing or part-time work, or returning to school for a career change. You may not know that everything will happen according to plan, but they will be pleased to know that you have next steps in the work.

You can also talk about how confidential you want the family to be about losing a job, especially with kids who are on social media. Just be careful not to hint that there is some kind of shame in your situation; it’s not a secret , but maybe you prefer to keep it a secret with your family or your immediate social circle, and that’s okay.

Leave room for their reaction.

Depending on the age or temperament of your child, he can show any number of emotional reactions to your news: indifference, anger, sadness, confusion. And don’t be surprised if their main reaction is about how losing a job can directly affect their lifestyle. As clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel writes for the New York Times , it is helpful for parents to remember that a broken heart can often sound right:

You will probably hear some version:

“THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN! … Never! Not fair! You promised! … Where should I go all summer? … WHAT should I tell my friends? “

As difficult as it is, try to respect your children’s disappointment without defensiveness. Of course, the pandemic was not your fault, but your children may lash out at you. Take this as a good sign. This means that they have heard you and believe that you are strong enough to absorb their feelings.

Give them the opportunity to ask and answer questions as calmly and frankly as possible. And remember, it takes time for them to process it, as you do. This doesn’t have to be a one-off conversation; Like all great parenting conversations, this is something you can – and should – discuss from time to time, checking how they are feeling, or letting them know about any new developments.