How to Have Successful Video Chats With Young Children

Last week I wrote an article for parents on how to help their young children learn to better participate in video chats with loved ones (because they suck). But the fact is, kids are only half of the equation: there are things that the person on the other end of the conversation is – maybe it’s you! – can also make chats run more smoothly.

Come arm yourself with a couple of questions

Toddlers and preschoolers are not well known for their ability to speak; you will have to take the lead here. Prepare a couple of good open-ended questions; anything that can be answered with a simple yes or no is likely to be answered yes or no.

Ask them what part of their day was the most fun, ask them to tell you a joke or story, or ask them what they think they will dream about when they go to bed tonight. After you ask them a question, give them enough time to respond. Silence doesn’t necessarily mean you have to start with additional questions or conversations – they might just think, and whatever happens in the video chat might be a little unnatural or delayed anyway.

Share a food or business

If you really want to get creative, try scheduling your snacks call and keep their favorite snacks close at hand to “share” with them across the screen. Or schedule a call for lunch and have dinner together – they can be more chatty if they feel like they’re sitting at the table with you.

You can also keep a couple of books on hand to read the story to them, or plan a little show and tell them ahead of time (you also need to “show and tell” something). Games or activities can help structure the call and better hold its attention.

If all else fails, go along with their stupidity. If they make funny sounds, make funny sounds in response. If they are mostly showing you how their cat is lying around, show them your energetic dog in return. If they’re hanging upside down from the couch … well, just be careful not to spit out the back.

Keep it short and sweet

Maybe you are a grandparents who were unable to see your grandchildren often or at all during the pandemic. Or maybe you live far away and photo and video calls are really your only way to connect with the little ones. It is true that face-to-face meetings will be much longer (and probably more enjoyable), but young children will most likely not sit nicely on the couch and chat with you at intervals of 30 minutes anyway.

You will be more likely to have one-on-one conversations in shorter periods of time in person, so perhaps think of these chats not as full-blown catch-up sessions, but as bursts of catch-up. Several five-minute calls a week may work better than one 15- or 20-minute call.

Don’t be surprised if this is a total disaster

Sometimes kids ask someone to video chat, and then when the call starts, they’re kind of like, “Actually … no!” They may be distracted by something more brilliant when they dial your phone number, they may suddenly need to use the toilet, they may recover from a bout of shyness.

If they just don’t like it, let them off the hook. You take comfort in what they thought of you and generally wanted to communicate – this is the most important thing. And there is always next time.