Four Martini You Should Know

My favorite martini is one that someone else prepares for me . Ideally, this person is Dan Casto or Jeffrey Morgenthaler , but some logistical problems prevent me from living this life. It’s easy to mix a martini at home, but for that you need to answer the question: “What kind of martini do I want?”

It would seem that this question is easy to answer. Martini is a simple, small (three ounce) beverage that is served very hot and cold. It’s just gin and vermouth with olives (or a strip of lemon zest), but botanists know how to enjoy everything. (This is me. I’m a nerd.) When it comes to martinis, there is only one absolute truth – that there are no absolutes. Ask five different bartenders to make you the “perfect” martini, and you’ll get five different drinks (and get heavily drunk). I don’t think this is a bad thing, but it can be frustrating for those looking to start making martinis at home.

Vague, imprecise descriptors such as “classic”, “dry bone” and “dirty” are often used in conjunction with the word “martini”, but these words are perceptual. Julia Child and Ernest Hemingway drank a fair amount of martinis, but Julia’s dry martini would be soaking wet by Ernest’s standards.

Until you come up with a very strong and convincing opinion of your own about what a martini should be – and you do, my children – it is helpful to have some criteria. You will notice that, with the exception of the dirty martini, I avoid these vague descriptions and stick to numbers that are harder to find fault with (although I’m sure someone will find a way).

If you don’t have your favorite gin and vermouth yet, pick London dry for the first (I like Tanqueray and Tanqueray 10) and Dolin for the second. For all of these martinis, you must stir them in a mixing glass over cracked ice for at least a minute to make sure they are properly cooled and diluted while remaining thick and silky.

Martini 3: 1

Some people may call this a “classic” or “standard” martini, while others may yell at me for it. (I really feel like writing cocktails is 50% of trying to help people drink and 50% of trying not to scream, but it’s still a lot of fun!) It’s a martini that definitely has vermouth in it, which is good because vermouth is delicious. To make it you will need:

• 2 1/4 ounce gin
• 3/4 ounce dry vermouth
• Olive (or 3) or a strip of lemon zest for garnish

Martini 5: 1

This is a dried martini, which means less vermouth, but some men who wear very large watches may think it is too wet. You can reduce the amount of vermouth if you want, but try this one first, because despite what men who wear very large watches tell you, vermouth is not a sign of weakness. To prepare a martini dryer you will need:

• 2 1/2 ounce gin
• 1/2 ounce vermouth
• Olive (or 3) or a strip of lemon zest for garnish

Martini 50/50

This martini is exactly what it looks like – equal amounts of gin and vermouth, which means you really need a good vermouth if you plan on making one. It also means that you need to properly store this good vermouth in the refrigerator and use it for several months. (Actually, this is true of all vermouths; don’t use oxidized vermouth in any cocktails.) 50/50 is flavorful, kind of retro, Betty Draper’s garden party style, and lower alcohol than its cousins. which can be pretty good depending on how much you plan to get. (It’s also kind of an “industry secret.” Ordering one — if it’s ever allowed again — will make you seem “in the know.”) To do this, you’ll need:

• 1 1/2 ounce gin
• 1 1/2 ounce dry vermouth
• Olive (or 3) or a strip of lemon zest for garnish

Dirty Martini

As far as martinis are concerned, they were my first love and I still order them (with fries or steak) if I feel like something salty. This is not usually considered a “cool” drink, but it never bothered me because this descriptor was never applied to me. (If you do want to categorize it, rinse the compartment with some peat whiskey for a smoky treat.) To make a messy martini, you’ll need:

• 2 1/4 ounce gin
• 1/2 ounce brine
• 1/4 ounce vermouth
• At least 3 olives for a side dish stuffed with blue cheese if you’re nasty

After playing around with one or more of these, try switching to other genie styles or go crazy with Vesper . Heck, you can even use vodka if you like, but this will turn your martini into a kangaroo . Making a dirty kangaroo would be fun, though. At least it would be fun to say.