What to Do If Your Young Child Talks About Suicide
I recently came across an advice column in The Guardian that weighed on my heart. The mother wrote to ask for advice because her 10-year-old son talked about how no one cares about him, he wished he was ever born and that his life was not worth living. He also, she said, referred to suicide “in a non-specific way.”
As parents, we desperately want to believe that our children cannot die by suicide or even contemplate it. But the number of suicides continues to grow , and this column got me thinking: at what point are our children sad at the moment and need additional love and attention, and when the problems become more serious and require professional help?
I reached out to Nadine Kaslow , professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University and former president of the American Psychological Association , to ask.
When it’s more than a phase
It is perfectly normal for preschoolers and primary school children to begin to understand and fight death. This is the age when children often experience the death of a loved one for the first time.
“Depending on how a child is exposed to death or loss, be it the loss of a parent, grandparent, or pet, the focus can be different,” says Caslow. “But a certain concentration of attention on death is okay.”
However, it’s time to really tune in when children start to question their own worth by saying things like “I’m worthless,” “I wish I was never born,” “I’m unloved,” or “What’s the point of life? “Not all children deal with these thoughts, which is why Caslow says it’s important not to take this as a typical developmental phase. Rather, these statements are indicators that the young child is struggling in some way.
This does not necessarily mean that their parents need to run away and get immediate professional help, but it does mean they need to get through to their child’s feelings without criticism or judgment. “You want to be sure that you really let them know that they are loved and loved, no matter what they do,” says Caslow. “You want them to come to you (with these feelings).”
When it’s time to ask for help
There is a clear line that is crossed is a clear sign that it is time to seek help, says Caslow. It is then that the topic of self-harm or suicide becomes a matter of concern, or they generally take any action to harm themselves, no matter how superficial.
“If they fall and get upset, they don’t break their legs or cut very superficially,” Caslow gives examples. “As soon as something happens … (or) you realize that they are trying to figure out how to hurt themselves – something like that – I would say that is when you definitely need to seek help.”
Other signs that indicate depression, such as persistent sadness and an inability to enjoy what they once enjoyed, also indicate that it is time to seek professional help.
What this professional help looks like may vary depending on the community and the resources available to you. You can start with your school counselor, pediatrician, or other local child psychologist or therapist to assess your options or get referrals.
The American Academy of Pediatrics also provides good advice to parents of teenagers who may be at risk of suicide. And for additional resources and support for all parents, visit the Kids Helpline .