Find the Perfect Excuse for Every Nasty Corporate Data Breach
Sometimes I wonder why everyone is not constantly hacked. We are all so bad about security, and so many people know how to abuse it! And then I remember that we are constantly hacked: companies regularly reveal all of our home addresses, passwords, phone numbers and credit card information, and someone takes them. Companies try to hide it, but someone finds out about it, and companies email it with some kind of non-trying excuse. To prevent us from being sued, they offer free credit monitoring. Free credit monitoring means new thoughts and prayers.
So after checking out the morning fresh updates from Have I Been Pwned? , try this data leak apology joke generator: What the heck am I breaking? generates insane explanations for imaginary data breaches by combining hack phrases to describe the breach, the culprit, and the inappropriate response from a company that didn’t protect your data. You will get these excuses:
Bloody tech gifted kids used unprecedented XSS vulnerabilities to get us to publish this report .
But since then we have watched Hackers 8 times in a row , so it will never happen again.
AND:
Damn foreign assets used cyborg bees to hack into our highly secure servers .
But since then, we’ve put a rotating , locked GIF on our website , so this will never happen again.
To create another excuse, press the big blue button that says “Equifax, damn it, already used this.”