How to Tell Someone to Get Off the Phone
Smartphone addiction is real. According to my screen time log, I spent three hours and 15 minutes a day on my iPhone over the past seven days (and over 22 hours in total last week – almost a full day ). And I’m not alone. Our social media producer Tim spent three hours 36 minutes a day on the phone last week. Joel, our senior video producer, relied on his phone for less than two hours a day. (“I have a lot of life to live,” he said.) Our other video producer, Abu, has walked around all of us so far – just over four hours a day.
When you’re with someone who doesn’t seem to be able to take their eyes off their smartphone (like one of the Lifehacker staff), it’s probably frustrating – you don’t have to fight for the person’s attention when you’ve agreed to meet. Things get even more complicated when you are dealing with, say, coworkers or on a date. You probably don’t know each other well enough to tell them to ditch their phones.
If you want to tell someone to take off their smartphone without being a complete jerk, be honest – chances are they will understand and want to hang up, if only for a moment.
Be honest without confrontation
If someone cannot take their eyes off the phone, the simplest thing is to ask what is distracting them. If they’re busy texting or checking their Twitter timeline, chances are they’ll share what keeps them from your conversation. If it’s important, it might not be worth taking personally. At the very least, you can easily get back to the real conversation. (“Oh, this reminds me of what I read about …”)
Or, as Tech Crunch recommends , ask them any question, even one that has nothing to do with their distractions or previous discussion. “A direct question does the person a favor, pulls him back while sending a clear message,” writes Nir Eyal. “… If there really is an emergency, the person can apologize, but more often than not he puts it back in his pocket and starts enjoying the night.”
If that doesn’t work, or if they quickly return to their screen, it’s time to be a little more honest and explain that you need their undivided attention. One of the best practices, Fast Company writes, is to respect them by getting to the point. They suggest using some version of “Hey, is this still a good time to talk? I see you are doing something important on your phone, so maybe you need to do this first. “
Depending on who you are with, you may not have to be so formal about it. If he’s a good friend, you might be a little harsher. (“I know you’re busy, but can you put the phone down for a second?”) Any reasonable person should understand your request.
Agree to put off phones
But sometimes honesty can only go so far when your friend or colleague is addicted to their smartphone; they can pick up their phone again at any sign of receiving a text message or notification. In this case, you have several options.
If it’s a friend, agree to the no phone rule when you meet and put your mobile devices aside. (Hell, even turn them off.) Or find an environment where there is mutual distraction – a board game or an episode of a show you’re both watching – that will (or should) make them turn off their phones.
And if they don’t put their phones aside anyway, it might even be time to reevaluate your friendship and the value of these meetings to you. If this particular person is attached to their phone, it might just be a relationship that is best preserved through email and text messages.