How to Deal With Unsolicited Health Advice
Everyone thinks they are experts in your health. People who deal with chronic diseases know this well; anyone who has publicly admitted to being pregnant or depressed does the same. How many times can a person hear: “Have you tried yoga?”
There is probably no way to completely stop the flow of unwanted health advice, but here are a few tactics to deal with when it comes up.
Thank them vaguely and move on
This is best for acquaintances and early offenders. If you say no, you should n’t suddenly go vegan “just to see if it helps,” they argue. So don’t go to advice at all.
Instead, admit that they are very bad at expressing their frustration at feeling helpless in the face of your illness. Or perhaps they had a similar health problem, and it’s a brain fart that bursts out when they try to empathize.
So thank them for the feeling they had to express (“I care about you and I would like you to feel better”) and change the subject immediately. You may also vaguely accept their advice without saying anything about whether or not you are going to follow it. Here are some lines that might help:
- Thanks for thinking of me.
- You may be right.
- I’ll keep it in mind.
Remind them that you already have a plan.
When someone offers their miraculous healing, it may be the first thing they think about how to handle a medical problem. You, on the other hand, have been struggling with this for a while now – with the medical team, with your therapist, or with Google and your own unhealthy coping mechanisms. You don’t have to be great at handling the situation to be able to tell someone else to twitch.
A short “Thank you, but you’re not my doctor” will help strangers. Friends, perhaps take a minute to explain that you have a treatment plan and that if anything is added to that plan, it will be after discussion with your doctor and / or never.
Again, don’t discuss the merits of their proposal. If you consider your treatment plan to be an exclusive club, and a friend’s advice is someone you shouldn’t be allowed in, appoint your doctor (or therapist, or other appropriate expert) as a bouncer. In the case of rude advice, it doesn’t matter what your doctor really thinks, whether you plan to talk to him or they even exist. You can interrupt the conversation in one of the following ways:
- Hmm, I’ll ask my doctor.
- My doctor doesn’t want me to do this right now.
Shut it down
Some situations require a stronger reaction. If a friend tells you about your illness and immediately tries to sell you supplements or essential oils, block them. (If they’re a friendly acquaintance, tell them hell no, and if they persist then block them.)
There may be loved ones in your life who simply do not understand this. If the situation is bad enough, you may have to set some boundaries: avoid talking to them and, if possible, let them know why. But other times, you get stuck with someone giving unwanted advice.
In such cases, even if you are not required to do so, you can educate them. (If you have a friend who understands this and is willing to step in, consider asking them to chat with an ignorant loved one.) Acknowledge that they are trying to help because they love you, explain that you do have a care plan which you are not going to add willy-nilly, and this constant unwanted advice only adds to your stress.
When you talk to these people about the future, it can help establish and remind them of your boundaries. You can start the conversation by saying, “Hey, can I talk for a minute? I don’t need advice, I just need sympathy. “