How to Protect Parents From Online Dating Scams
In April, The Cut spoke to Debbie Montgomery Johnson, a 60-year-old victim of an online dating scam that cost her more than $ 1 million. “We talked about everything, we talked about children … For me, looking back, it was very therapeutic because I could write much more than I could ever articulate in a speech,” she said of her romance with “international contractor “. it started on a dating site.
Eventually, she started paying him to help with “customs disputes” and “tariffs” related to his contracting business. “I was so passionate about it that I talked to my dad and my dad talked to my mom. They gave me $ 100,000, and this is the only money that I sincerely regret to this day, because they are 84 and 89 years old, and I would like to have this money in their bank account. ” In the end, even after providing the FBI documentation, Johnson was unable to recover her losses.
Last year, about 21,000 Americans fell victim to online dating scams, losing a total of $ 143 million . (On Thursday, prosecutors charged 80 scammers with scams aimed at businesses and older women.) If your parent is on a dating site, it’s no surprise that you shouldn’t let them reveal their credit card numbers. But it’s equally important to make sure they don’t swap numbers or social media accounts.
Tell them not to chat outside of the dating site.
Before your parents dive into the world of dating sites, make it clear that they shouldn’t communicate with anyone outside of the site’s messaging platform; The red flag of several online dating scams is when a scammer tries to quickly translate a conversation into a text message or email. If they exchange numbers, a scammer can easily find a linked Instagram or Facebook account (and who knows how much information your mom might be sharing or what her privacy settings are).
On Reddit, u / lostskeleton78 talked about a common scam based on details a scammer can get from your parents’ social media accounts. “What is happening is that the scammer calls someone and pretends to be the grandson of that person, claiming that he was jailed in Canada on charges of drug use / driving violations, etc.,” they wrote. “Then they force the person to transfer money to them to get out of prison, while begging them not to tell their parents about it.”
Of course, you should also inform your parents not to pay for anything, provide a credit card number, or help out on the date with any gifts, although this is much easier said than done: if your dad found the love of his life on OkCupid, his it is not easy to convince of this. (We’ll look into this shortly.) But let them know about these concerns, as the FTC’s website warns:
- Confesses love quickly.
- Statements that you need money for a medical emergency (such as surgery), travel documents, or to pay off gambling debts.
- Requests payment by bank transfer or rechargeable gift cards.
- Lives abroad.
- Plans to visit but cannot due to an emergency.
And advise parents not to follow the links in their posts; it could be phishing attempts to get their personal information, such as passwords or account numbers.
Send them evidence of a similar scam
If your aunt or uncle insists that they found it despite your advice, look for evidence that they are being deceived. Perform a reverse image search on Google using any photos provided by the scammer; If you find that their photos are scattered across stock photography websites, that’s a pretty strong sign that a scam has already begun.
As the FTC also recommends, search the Internet for the alleged fraud profession and find out if other victims of similar fraud have occurred. “We’ve heard of scammers who say they work on an oil rig, in the army [or] as a doctor in an international organization … you can type in the query ‘oil rig swindler’ or ‘US army scammer.’ “
Ask your parent or relative for ID and check it yourself to make sure it’s not Photoshop. On another Reddit thread, u / legofhello asked his mother’s scammer to take a picture of himself showing his mother’s name and date. (The fraudster disobeyed.) Once you have gathered enough convincing evidence, sit with your parents and prove to them that they are the target.
Don’t be confrontation
When you finally decide to confront your parents about a dating scam, it is difficult and may seem like a personal attack on their honesty; after all, the scammer might have convinced your parents that they would spend the rest of their lives together.
Reporter Craig Silverman recently spoke on Buzzfeed News about the problem of parents sharing fake news and how best to stop it – and there is plenty of advice here. If you want to convince your parents that they are being deceived, do not get involved in a confrontation, or you may risk that they will ignore your evidence altogether. Be sensitive to the situation and show inconsistencies in the stories of the scammer, without shifting the blame on the parents for believing the story.
If you can, ask a friend or family member to check on your parents regularly, especially if you live on the other side of the country. You might even consider gaining access to your parents’ credit card accounts (and account statements) so you can keep an eye on any suspicious payments.
Otherwise, if you suspect your parent may be involved in a dating scam, you have several options. AARP has a hotline specifically for these scammers; call the AARP Fraud Call Center at 800-646-2283 and leave a message. They will provide anti-fraud advice and contact information for local law enforcement should you need it.
And report fraud on behalf of a loved one to dating sites and to the FTC to help others avoid similar disadvantages.