How to Know When Your Child Is Ready to Stay at Home
Being at home alone without parents is the main rite of initiation into childhood; But at an age where parents are afraid to even leave their kids in the car for a minute while they grab something from the store, figuring out when they’re ready can be a real challenge.
The law doesn’t help much. According to the US Children’s Bureau , only three states have laws that set the minimum age for children to be left alone at home, and this is very broad: Maryland, eight; Oregon, 10; and Illinois, 14 years old.
If you are fortunate enough to live in one of these states, I think this is a good place to start. However, there are other factors to consider before going outside.
Consider their maturity
When a child is old enough and responsible enough to be left at home alone, it is not so much a matter of age as of maturity. Some nine-year-olds may be willing to hold onto a fort while you are on a small assignment, while some twelve-year-olds cannot be trusted even for a second.
You know your child best, but the Children’s Bureau invites us to take into account several points:
- Is your child able to take care of himself physically and mentally?
- Does your child follow the rules and make the right decisions?
- How does your child react to unfamiliar or stressful situations?
- Does your child feel comfortable or afraid to be alone at home?
Circumstances will also matter. Will they have to cook their own food, and if so, do they have the skills to do it safely? Is your area generally safe? Your older sister may be able to stay at home alone, but not quite ready to care for younger siblings. All of these considerations will differ from family to family.
Make sure they can communicate
They will need to be able to call you or 911 in an emergency if they have questions or fear for any reason. If you have a landline phone, make sure they know where it is and how to use it. If you don’t have one and they don’t have their own cell phone yet, it may be time to get an inexpensive “dumb phone” with limited functions for this purpose.
Tablets and computers can also be used for communication, but make sure they have emergency services and your child knows how to use them.
Prepare them
Children need basic knowledge and skills before they are ready to fly alone. The Children’s Bureau offers to enroll them in safety classes, such as the American Red Cross Childcare Courses , so that they learn basic childcare and first aid skills. Also, ask yourself the following questions:
- Does your family have an emergency safety plan? Will your child be able to follow this plan?
- Does your child know their full name, address and phone number?
- Does your child know where you are and how to always reach you?
- Does your child know the full names and contact information of other trusted adults, and does he or she know to call emergency services in an emergency?
Review this information regularly with your child and post it in an easily accessible place at home, such as the refrigerator, in case the child needs it in an emergency and they get nervous.
Be clear about your expectations and rules during your absence, including the use of electronics and under what circumstances they are allowed to open the door, leave the house, or invite friends.
Start slowly
You will want to do a couple of “test runs” with your child before letting him take care of him all day. Go away for a while and stay close to home to see how things are going. Call them to check in so they don’t feel completely disconnected.
When you return, ask them how they felt and if anything unexpected happened. It is important that they feel as comfortable and confident in their abilities as you do.