How to Redirect a Cocky Child
If you have raised a young child, chances are good that you have learned a thing or two about the art of negotiation. As much as we want to point out the direction and follow it every time – because we said so, that’s why – sometimes kids are just like, “No, I’m fine, thank you.”
This is why we give them so many options throughout the day. Blue cup or green cup? Do you want to put on your shoes or coat first? Banana or apple slices? This gives them the feeling that they have at least some control in a world in which almost everything is clearly not under their control.
However, sometimes choice – or even bargaining and bribery – is not enough. Sometimes the answer to the question: “Do you want to wear a shirt with an alligator or a monkey?” – simply no! I don’t dress! “Michael Wheeler, professor of negotiation principles at Harvard Business School, says that before you are embroiled in a battle of will, you can try to take a step back and think about the process of reaching a compromise, rather than the real problem your child is struggling with. above.
He explains the reasons for this to The Atlantic writer Joe Pinsker :
When a child flatly refuses to do something, Wheeler says that it would be a good idea to have a meta-conversation instead of discussing rejections. He mentioned his Harvard colleague, Deepak Malhotra, who was advising on the peace mediation process between the Colombian government and the FARC rebels: “His advice on ultimatums — take-or-leave statements — is to ignore them. If you ask people, “Do you really mean that?” the answer you get is “Yes.” Which will probably only make the child more rebellious.
In other words, when you dig, they dig even harder, and only one person can win. Instead of doing this, try going back to talking about “how” you can compromise, not what the compromise can be. This allows their heightened emotions to dissipate somewhat for a moment.
“Hmm, I remember you didn’t want to get dressed yesterday either,” you say. “How did we do it?” Or, as Wheeler suggests , “Maybe you feel that way now, but let’s talk about what we’ve already done together.”
This could be followed by an overview of the progress made in the negotiations, a summary of previous successful agreements, or something like, “I saw the family across the street trying this solution. Do you think we should try this? “
As you move away from the problem and focus on the compromise process, you may discover a real reason why the child does not want to comply and a new solution that does not make him feel like he’s lost the battle. …