What Good Parents Do According to Reddit
Reddit user moonunknown writes , “I didn’t grow up in a happy family and have seen many people who have had similar experiences. I thought there must be parents who are good at their jobs. I want to be a good parent. “
And so the redditor asked the question : “Children of good parents, what did your parents do right?”
Thousands of comments were received as people reflected on their childhood. Here’s what we can extrapolate from our conversation about “good” parents. (As a mother of young children, I take notes furiously.)
They don’t always give an easy answer.
Panic_Azimuth’s mom knew the best lessons came from experience (not Google).
When I was little, we lived close to the freeway. One day I asked my mother how far the freeway goes and where we would be if we just sat on it and kept going.
She had a map. Did she show it to me?
Nope. She said, “Let’s see.” We jumped into the car and drove for hours until we were both tired, THEN we pulled out a map and found our way home along the coast of one of the Great Lakes of the United States. This was in the 80s, before the advent of GPS or cell phones. I was 10 years old and she let me go home.
She could just tell me or show me on a map without getting up from the couch, but she wanted me to know … and perhaps she wanted to know herself.
They judge the action, not the person
According to BecciButton’s parents , love should be unconditional.
When I did something stupid and my parents got angry, they always made it clear that they were angry about the action and that it didn’t mean that they [love] me less.
In general, I never felt deprived, unnecessary, and was not afraid that my parents did not love me.
As a consequence, I was never afraid to tell my parents when I did something stupid, got a bad grade on a test, or something like that.
They don’t protect their children from the truth.
Velor_manure’s parents believed it was okay to be open about their struggles.
They were very honest with me and my brother. When money was scarce, they told us. We asked why we ate the same food every night, and my mom said that at work, she failed and the bills were piling up, and it made a lot of sense to us even though we were still children. When someone in the family died, they spoke to us directly and did not embellish anything. They took us to funerals and treated us like adults.
They are not afraid to change non-working situations.
You can change the rules that no longer apply, as did his father DJUMI .
As a child, going to church every Sunday was compulsory. When I was about 15, my father realized that I was getting little out of it (I often fell asleep during services), so instead of forcing me to go to church, he took me to breakfast every Sunday morning. The conversations we had have helped me grow up, solve my problems, understand myself better, and form a strong bond with my father. Eternally grateful for the wisdom he shared with me.
They don’t stop dating each other just because they have children.
For too many couples, the romance ceases as soon as the children are in the frame. Not for MissyTurtle parents .
My mom and dad strongly believed that the best way to help us become good adults is to be one loving team. They celebrate their 27th anniversary this summer. They go on weekly dates, flirt and help each other. I had the privilege of growing up in a home where I knew that my parents loved me and my brothers and sisters, and they loved each other. It has been a tremendous stabilizing force in my life.
And if they break up, they remain respectful to each other.
Several editors wrote that their parents were divorced. They concluded that the only difference was how they treated each other afterwards.
Even though my parents divorced when I was a teenager, my parents never showed disrespect to each other. Even as a sullen teenager, I once made a scathing comment about my mom when I was with my dad and got my butt off quickly and it was made clear that I was not allowed to talk about her like that.
G ogurt66 added:
When my father left my mother for another woman, I was prepared to never speak to him again. My mother sat me down and my brothers and sisters and said, “Even if your father was a shitty husband, don’t let that worsen your relationship with him, because he is and will be a fantastic father.” I can’t imagine how hard it must have been. I am grateful to her for the wonderful relationship that I still have with my father.
They teach rather than dictate
ItsACaragor’s mom highlighted why.
My mom never forbade us to smoke or drink, she just said that it was bad for us and addictive.
As a result, there was nothing rebellious about smoking for us, and when we finally tried it we just didn’t notice the attraction and quit smoking pretty quickly.
They start with a basic level of trust.
This was of great importance to Tiork .
They didn’t ask why my door was closed and they trusted me enough that I didn’t do anything wrong.
They force their children to correct their mistakes.
G2King recalls this experience:
My 2 brothers and I went shopping for Christmas trees with my father as a child. We threw the cut stumps at each other and at the store itself. Hearing this news on the way home, my father put on the brakes and started turning the truck around. Now we are all scared and we begin to apologize to him. Father’s answer: “Do not apologize to me, you will apologize to the owner !!!” He drove us back and lined up so everyone would explain to the owner that we were destroying his store and apologize to him. This experience showed that my parents taught us to always be responsible for our actions and that what we do always has consequences.
They themselves are not assholes
FreestyleKneepad parents teach by example.
I saw my parents get incredibly angry at the cable companies, but not in the eyes; they keep a cool head and stay as polite as possible when on the phone, and then blow the pad out after the call so it doesn’t fall on a call center employee who doesn’t deserve it. Just because you’re having a shitty day doesn’t mean they need to swear too.
Finally, they support the interests of their children, even if they may not understand them.
The role of parents is to guide children and then stay away from them. As mgraunk writes:
My parents are not perfect, but they did a lot right. What I remember most is that they support what my brother and I like, even when they don’t understand it or don’t like it. They weren’t particularly interested in skateboarding, but they spent hundreds of dollars over the years to ensure that my brother enjoyed his hobby. They not only helped me get the drum kit, but they also allowed the band to rehearse in our basement and took us to all of our concerts. They wanted me to be a lawyer, but they were willing to be content with a chef. It mattered in the long run because it ultimately helped me realize that I can make my own choices in life – nothing is foreseen for me. I can do what I like and my parents will be there to support me.
Read all the answers on the original Reddit thread .