How to Raise Children Like an Improviser Actor
Can improvisation techniques make you a better parent? Actors-improvisers who have had a chance to raise children say yes.
Or rather “yes, and …”
Using the philosophy of improvisation with your children can strengthen communication, help you be more present, and create a calmer family dynamic. And anyone can do it. Improvisation actors tell us how to do it.
Don’t be afraid of the silence
Andrea Wetherald is an improvisation coach based in Pittsburgh, PA.
One of my favorite lessons as an improviser is that silence is not an emergency. In improvisation, silence plays a very important role in the comedic rhythm and helps something land with the audience, and also gives the improvisers time to come on the same page with each other. It’s okay to take a moment to get a sincere answer instead of just saying the first thing that comes to mind. As far as how I am a parent, this concept is very important, and as a foster parent, oh my god, it is incredibly important. Our daughter was three and a half years old when she came to our foster family, and now she is five and a half, so she has a lot of questions. The memory that silence is not an emergency helped me give her more thoughtful and kind responses.
Leave your agenda
Nate Smith , instructor of improvisation at the Curious Comedy Theater in Portland, Oregon
We always have business with children, especially before bed. Our bedtime routine is a surgically accurate itinerary that includes brushing teeth, potting, and reading books. Lately, I have felt that I am having a hard time with our five year old child who has the focus of … a five year old child . He’s not naughty – he’s just, you know, all over the place. Usually, part of the routine of reading a book looks like this: “Chandler, why don’t you pick a book for us?” [ Chandler does something to his Lego ] “Chandler, please pick a book to read.” “Dad, who do you think will win? Hulk or Thing? ” Etc.
But tonight, when we got to his room, I decided to abandon my agenda. I took advantage of my experience in improvisation and “went on stage.” I started by asking him what book he would like to read and set the premise. When he answered a question about the Peter Pan show he saw earlier that evening, I gave up my plans and just listened to it. I focused only on him and tried to answer directly to what he was saying. I reproduced the conversation as an impromptu scene, supporting and reinforcing his ideas. The result was a really enjoyable conversation filled with lots of chuckles. And in the end he said, “Okay, let’s read the book.” As I took the time to focus on him, he, too, began to focus more on what I wanted. We cannot always abandon our agenda to follow the whims of our children. But the more opportunities you find to allow your children to take the lead, the more readily they will follow you.
Reflect, not define
Aretha Sills is associate director of the Sills / Spolin Theater in Los Angeles. She is the granddaughter of Viola Spolin, who is considered the mother of improvisational theater, and the daughter of Paul Sills, who was the founding director of Second City.
My grandmother Viola Spolin talked about the idea of “Follow the Follower” that came up in the game “Mirror”. In The Mirror, two players look at each other: one player initiates and the other reflects them from head to toe. The goal is to get an accurate mirror image as if the players were in the same moment together. You call “Change!” and then the initiator becomes a mirror. Then, at a certain point, you call “Follow the follower!” where no one initiates, but both are contemplating. You suddenly notice that they blink and breathe, and then you start blinking and breathing and you reflect each other.
My daughter will soon be six, and we often get hung up on that “Yes! No! “Thing. In stage improvisation, people come in and think that conflict is really a great way to generate material, but it’s not going anywhere. Something has to transform to create a scene between two people in the present tense, and the idea of” follow the follower ” , the idea of reflecting each other somehow allows this to happen. This is what I do with my daughter. I try to be open and reflect on what she is going through, instead of saying, “Oh no, you shouldn’t feel this way “When I help her feel what she is feeling, she feels acknowledged. And I better understand where she is from.”
Accept Yes and
In raising children, many improvisers talked about using the “Yes, and” philosophy. The idea is that in an improvised scene, you have to accept what the other actor said or did, and then expand their way of thinking. Here’s what Veterald has to say about it.
“Yes, and” is the most fundamental concept of willingness to collaborate with people around you because you see them as equals and because you view their ideas – even if you don’t fully understand them yet – as inherently worth your time and creativity. energy with which to build. I am trying to simulate this for my kids. But we also talk about this a lot, talking about how they play with other children. I will remind them, “we have to say yes, and” if they play poorly on the playground or something. So they began to understand this concept of collaboration and see each other’s ideas as special and feel honored to be vulnerable enough and willing enough to share their creative impulses with you.