How to Slip Into Someone Else’s Personal Account Without Being Scared
The Internet has given us unprecedented access to everyone. Not only can we see what our exes are up to on various social networks, but now (for better or worse) we are involved in fleeting thoughts, candid photos and rambling ravings of our favorite celebrities and personalities. We can also slip right into their DM.
As someone who once sent a handwritten letter to Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ address that she found in a copy of Tiger Beat , this is a dangerous situation. Unless your favorite profile is blocked, the temptation to answer every little thing they post can be overwhelming and quite easy to come off. Even with ordinary, little-known hobbies, getting into the DM can be tricky.
This does not mean that it should not or should not be done, but some restraint is acceptable. In fact, one of my dear friends and former editors – Emily McCombs, who previously worked for xoJane and now for HuffPost – is in a long-term love relationship with a man who approached her through a multi-state DM. And, as an attractive woman who has been on the Internet for a while, she received many messages like this, both good and bad, and was kind enough to share some sliding tips.
DM sends a message
Sending any unsolicited message means you must be open so you don’t hear anything back. If it causes you deep discomfort, do not send it. Even if the recipient responds in a friendly manner, it is not necessarily an invitation to continue a longer conversation. If they are interested in this, they will continue to do so. “When a guy gets into DM, we first of all understand what you are interested in. You don’t need to be open about it, ”Emily explained, adding that if you hope to do business in a flirty direction, you need to be patient, especially if you are writing DM to a woman. “Politeness is good if you follow our directions when it’s time to take it up a notch. Remember the constant stream of misogyny and objectification that every woman receives on the Internet – don’t add to that. ” (Does this mean you can be honest with men? No, be respectful about it, but this kind of thing can be especially tiring for women and people who don’t represent men.)
Don’t force it
The best talk about things and stuff, and commenting on someone’s appearance isn’t the best jumpin-off point. To make things feel more natural, Emily recommends creating a theme that Instagram or Twitter can usually provide. “I would answer the story – it seems more natural, as if you are just starting a conversation. And you have a reason for writing DM besides “I love your boobs.” (There are no stories on Twitter, making it difficult to implement on this platform, but you can always reply to a tweet, as long as you don’t do it in the manner of a replying guy.)
Another important thing to think about is whether the person you are communicating with is open to this type of communication. If their profile is littered with photos or references to their significant other, they probably don’t want to strike up a sexy conversation, so be neutral and respectful and follow their lead. (You never know if someone is monogamous, but don’t think that they are.) The lust trap may be an opportunity for more poignant things, but sometimes it isn’t, as people post all kinds of pictures of themselves for all sorts of reasons. Even if you’re sure the person is getting flirtatious attention, keep them calm and respectful instead of rushing forward with a boner. “To be honest, I had a few flirts on Instagram, so I was ready for it,” Emily explained. “When he wrote to me, I went to his page, looked at his photographs and thought he was cute, and answered. Given the distance between us, I didn’t expect it to be more than flirting, but it’s fun! He was also respectful – he didn’t make it immediately sexy and didn’t say anything obscene. He expected me to take it in a sexual direction. I don’t mind getting flirty private messages, but it’s like approaching a woman in person – don’t say that you wouldn’t walk up to her and say to her face. “
Don’t expect much
Nobody owes you anything, and just because you sent a message does not mean that you will receive a response, even if it is a very good message. This is what you have to put up with. In fact, giving up the answer is itself the answer. According to Emily, if someone doesn’t reply to your first message, they probably won’t reply to your second. “There are a few guys who write to me all the time, and I’m not interested, so I don’t reply,” she said. “The madness is that they just keep writing in DM. Get a hint! If the woman never responds to you, she probably isn’t interested in your attention. The whole chain is just you talking to yourself! “
Of course, not all DMs are sexy, and you may not even be trying to flirt. I personally received many messages that were just compliments about my letter or replies to a joke, and they are always welcome, especially when I don’t feel pressured to answer or continue a long conversation. Giving the recipient space for messages is important, and letting them know that you respect that space can go a long way. It definitely worked for Emily: “I posted a weird thirst trap on Instagram Stories and he responded to one of them. He simply answered the question I asked and then complimented me on what I wrote and said something like “I will now give up your personal letters.” We chatted and had sex for about a month in private messages and text messages, and then I went to visit him in Chicago. I would say that by that time everything was serious. “
Pestering, whining, or otherwise demanding attention from this person is always bad, and don’t even think about trying this pick-up stuff. “I also don’t respond to DM’s compliments and neglect – don’t praise me for my ‘confidence’ because I am, for example, a plus size woman showing skin,” Emily said. In the end, it all comes down to respecting the other person’s boundaries and time. It’s nice to say nice things to nice people, but in order to demand an answer, you need to have access to their time, and they may not have free time, or they may simply want to use their time in a different way. The key to sending a good DM is to remain cool, calm and confident that you sent it and never received a response. I never got a response from Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and everything worked out for me.