I Am the Comedian Gastor Almonte and This Is How I Am a Parent
Gastor Almonte is a comedian from East New York. On his debut stand-up album Immigrant Made, he tells stories of what it was like growing up in Brooklyn as the son of Dominican immigrants, how gentrification is affecting his neighborhood, and how parenting has changed it. (When he saw The Avengers on Sunday at 8:30 am, he calmly exclaims, “People ate raisins for breakfast. This shit worries.”) You can find the album on iTunes , Spotify, or watch the video version on Amazon Prime Video . That’s how his parents have it.
Name: Gastor Almonte Location: Brooklyn, New York Job: Comedian Family: My daughter Makayla is 10, my son Aiden is 9, my wife Gabriela is happy but tired and they pamper me.
Tell us a little about your family and your career. Was life mostly according to plan, or were there any surprises?
I am a comedian, a father of two and a husband. Parting with her husband was the only thing that was planned. My wife is the older sister of my best friend, whom I have known since the age of 13. We started dating eight years after we met, and I knew that from then on I would be sharing two-piece chicken and cookie orders with her.
We always wanted children, but didn’t agree on how many until we started having them. When they weren’t there, we wanted four. When we had one, we wanted three. When we got to two, our dreams finally matched our reality.
As far as my career is concerned, it was completely coincidental. I just got promoted to sales manager at my job. I wanted to improve my presentation skills and read an article about several directors who attend stand-up classes to improve their public speaking. It seemed like an interesting way to practice my work skills, so I signed up for classes. I did really well on a cool show and was approached by the headliner of the main show upstairs and told me that in seven weeks I was incredible. Since then it has been my business.
Your debut comedy album Immigrant Made follows a family journey from the Dominican Republic. How do you teach your children about their roots?
Fortunately, my children have access to both my parents and my relatives. They can see firsthand what they are doing differently, from their food to their values and traditions. They hear my parents’ stories about the beauty of their homeland. Usually this is followed by an offer to go to the Dominican Republic without me. The kids haven’t said yes yet, but I know they will soon.
Tell us about your morning routine. What are your best tricks to get out the door?
The key to morning is routine. The alarm goes off every day at 7 am at the same time. The children get dressed and I make breakfast for them. They go out to eat while I make coffee for my wife. I bring them to school at 7:50, go back, pick up my wife and take her to work. By 9:15 am I usually get home and have a quiet house where I can write jokes until 2:00 pm. It’s all about the absence of variables. Children have a uniform, breakfast – according to a fixed menu. If I did it, it’s food. If you forget to do your laundry, you don’t have a uniform in class.
How much outside help do you get as a parent? Who or what cannot you live without?
My greatest help is my grandparents. Both couples of grandparents live within walking distance which is masonry. As a comic strip of recent performances and daytime interviews, they regularly allow me to get things done. Without a doubt, this is one of the biggest victories in Brooklyn. Plus, the support of my little sister. She is 17 years old and in high school. She could do a million cooler things than my kids, but she rarely says no when I need a nanny. Less props for my little brother who is 18 and is also available, but he has a messy room so I’m not sure if I want him to be in charge of the kids.
What gadgets, apps, charts, or tools do you rely on?
In fact, we only swear on one thing: the Google Calendar. My wife and I have a family calendar, her work calendar and my comedy calendar – everything is in agreement, so we never duplicate or spoil the plans of others.
What’s your favorite parenting technique?
Turn everything you hate into a game, and then the kids will do it for you forever. For example: loading the dishwasher or washing. I measure their times, compare them, and let the winner get the first chips at dinner that evening.
Do your kids inspire your work?
Almost everything I do on stage is related to what I have experienced directly, which is why my children are always busy with my work. I just try not to embarrass them. Then I also play whatever is pure for them, which they really like.
What do they think of your career?
My grandfathers owned farms. My father has a property that he designed and built. I tell jokes. I didn’t have something tangible to show [to my children] as a “father’s job.” But then last year, right before the recording of my album, we went to Disney Florida. During the trip we did a safari and our truck broke down. We were stuck for half an hour. There were rhinos right next to our truck. To our left were cheetahs. It was really scary! But we got out.
The next day we had to go to Miami for my son-in-law’s wedding. On the way, I explained on the phone what had happened to my cousin, and he said it in a funny way. My cousin laughed, the kids laughed – it was great. As soon as I hung up, they started asking me questions. “Dad, how did you do that? Did you take a scary moment and make it funny? Was it funny when it happened? “They saw my craft and its value for the first time. We came to the wedding and during the whole party they tried to tell the story in a funny way. They asked me for advice and listened as they told it – it was amazing! By the end of the night, they had a tighter version than me.
How do you unpack?
Date with wife once a month and cigar night with cousins every 3 months. Basically, I need to see people who knew me before life got serious.
Is there something that your parents did that you would like to pass on to your child?
Offer security. My parents went from being a simple farmer to being the owner of eight homes in Brooklyn. I could be a complete failure as a comedian, and I still inherit one or two buildings. They legitimately changed what I can do because I know my bottom is not as low as others. I would like to offer them this, as well as the work ethic required to do so.
What are you most proud of as a parent?
I recently allowed my children to go to school for the first time. I followed them in my car. Watching them do something on their own without me, but also together with each other, was everything. This is what is great and sucks about parenting: if you do it well, you prepare them not to need you.
What moment are you least proud of?
I knocked over a kid from my daughter’s class who I knew was bullying her. But I only did it because there was a great opportunity to make it look like it was his fault. Eh, actually, I’m proud of that too.
What do you want your child to learn from your example?
If that makes you happy, it’s worth continuing. Unless it’s sweet corn. Nobody should eat candy corn.
What’s your favorite family ritual?
My son jumped into bed every night. It made a huge noise, and as he got older, I worried that he would break the bed. So I told him that there is a pressure-sensitive bomb in his bed that goes off when I turn the switch. He laughed and then, covertly like a ninja, lay down when I turned off the lights that night. I made a bomb sound through my mouth. Now we do them every night.
Has anyone ever given you parenting advice that you really liked?
Always have PB&J available. Is always.
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
I buy sneakers every three months.
The only thing I would like to say to other parents who are pursuing a career:
There is no balance. Someone will always get more attention. This is fine. Whatever you’re focusing on at the moment, give it your all. Just make sure things get the focus in a different way.
What’s your favorite part of the day?
When I pick up the kids, we eat junk food as a snack after school and tell my wife that we had turkey sandwiches.