Stop Calling Your Child Your “mini-Me”
Maybe your daughter has the same shade of dark brown hair or piercing blue eyes. You really can’t help yourself; From time to time, you put on matching dresses, have a photo shoot in your backyard, and post your photos for everyone to see, #myminime! Who could blame you? The kid is your exact copy.
But in a New York Times article titled “The Possible Sinister Return of the Mini-Me, ” writer Hanna Seligson decides whether calling the baby her “mini-me” is a harmless expression of affection or “unlimited narcissism.” “
Okay, so calling it both sinister and narcissistic is a bit dramatic, especially since I think it’s rarely spoken of with any malicious intent, but I have to agree with its premise. The mini-me label has always struck me as a little unpleasant , in much the same way that dressing babies in ladies’ or never were allowed to date can make me roll my eyes. It’s as if we have an insatiable need to project our adult qualities onto young children.
Friends, family and acquaintances have called my son “Mini-Mike” many times since he was born. Yes, my son is strikingly similar to his father; it cannot be denied. But his temperament is more in line with his type A mother’s temperament (ahem). And he turned out to be cool in a way that none of us were. For example, he loves math, he can build almost anything from the Lego pile, and he will eat all of our discarded black gummies.
Mike and I were considered “shy” as kids, but it’s my son who gathers everyone on the playground for a group tag game. He could very well be an extrovert, and that’s so damn cool to me that I would rather he be himself than mini one of us.
From childhood, children listen to how we describe them. Our words can become part of the basis of how they define themselves, which means that our words should speak more about their individuality than about some biological need to see ourselves in the mirror of the world.
And when you say this about someone else’s child, keep in mind that comparative play with children is almost always a minefield.
My husband and I have been foster parents for several years, and belonging to a family that is made up partly of biological children and partly of adopted or adopted children creates a complex dynamic for all involved. To call my son his father’s mini-self in front of my adopted son is to emphasize the biological connection that uplifted one child and demoted another. And since my first adopted son did bear a physical resemblance to me and was often considered my biological son, strangers did it without even knowing they were doing it.
Just in case, let the kids be miniature versions of themselves in the future, okay? In any case, one of you is probably enough.
(Buy those matching mom and me dresses though. Because that shit is just adorable.)