Help Your Child Remember by Asking These Questions
“Do not forget!” – one of those things that I say to my daughter with pleasure in my voice, but with fear in my soul.
“Don’t forget to pack the music folder in your backpack for your singing lesson this afternoon.”
“Don’t forget to put your laundry away.”
“Don’t forget to return books from the library.”
Yes, she will completely forget , I tell myself, as she leaves my field of vision.
I’m learning that the command “don’t forget” is a waste of time. As time management expert Leslie Josel explained in the Mighty Parenting podcast, “Your brain is a muscle, just like all the other muscles in your body. And, like any other muscle, it needs to be trained. If you, parent, are the one who is calling you – come here at this time, go there at this time, do not forget your water bottle, do not forget your football bag – the only brain that trains is yours. “
Instead, you want to help your children make their own bonds. Young children can be asked a simple question: “How do you remember this?”
It’s a question that gets them thinking and then starting to come up with solutions – a skill that they will have to use all day, every day, and the rest of their lives. When you ask, “How are you going to remember that you need to meet me in front of school at 2:30 pm and not 3:00 pm today?” they may say they will write a note for themselves and put it in their folder. When you ask, “How are you going to remember to bring home the jacket you left at a friend’s house last time?” maybe they’ll say they can put it in the bag as soon as they get there.
Josel says that with older children and teenagers, he likes to ask, “What’s your plan?” It’s softer and more like curiosity than nagging. She gives an example: “How do you plan to write this article because we are going to grandma’s for the weekend?”
“You help them see the time,” she explains. “You are helping them see the future . Suddenly their brains are forced to think ahead. “
Maybe their plan will work, or maybe not. Your kids will probably forget things sometimes, face the consequences, and hopefully come up with a better plan next time. The shift in language is tearing you, the parent, away from their daily victories and failures. It’s on them now. And you will have more peace of mind when they are gone figuring out their own life.