Imagine Your Kids Don’t Hear You Compliment Them.
Think for a moment about how you feel when your boss compliments you about your work on a project. Now think about how you feel when you hear your boss singing the praises of another manager to you.
The first one feels good like “Oh, they noticed how much I worked on this.” But the latter feels even better , doesn’t it? Hearing someone singing their praises to you will boost your confidence, fill you with pride, and increase your motivation to keep impressing them.
Children are the same.
The first time I heard advice on “gossiping” about children’s good behavior was from Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby in the House and The Happiest Baby in the House . On the Happiest Baby blog, Carp explains why it’s so effective:
It works so well because all of us (children and adults) are more likely to believe something if we overhear it than if it was told to us directly. Gossip makes your praise 5 times more effective. (And that makes your words of criticism 5 times stronger.)
Karp says you can start singing praises to babies within earshot when they are 15-18 months old; just fold your palm and whisper a compliment loudly. “ Emma put her toys away today! But do not smile or wink at your child after you say this – the main thing is that they really believe that they are eavesdropping on you.
If you’ve never done this before, give it a try. Children just shine when they hear you say something good about them. We used this technique a lot when my son was a toddler / preschooler, but even now, at 8 years old, I often “mention” his good deeds to my husband when he is around. “He fed the dog without even asking today,” or “I’m so glad he was with me at the store because he loaded the entire cart for me while we were driving out.”
Karp says that there is no need to be afraid to repeat the compliment to a few more people: “Your child will be happy and think, ‘Wow, this must be true, because I often hear it lately.”