A Guide to Dealing With Your Toddler’s Evening Crisis
As in many families with small children, we have a “witching hour”. Around 6 p.m. the little one pulls out all her mischievous tricks, the 5-year-old switches to turbo gear, my husband gets upset, and I completely run out of gas.
We had no choice but to come up with gimmicks to deal with crises and make evenings more relaxed for the whole family. Below you will find a selection of tips from the experts, my family, and other frustrated parents.
Take a break first
You probably know exactly how long your children will lose it. (In my house, we call this a “nude watch,” because my toddler is losing both his clothes and his composure.) Before that time, take a few minutes to calm down . What can you do in five minutes to get ready for the craziest part of your day ? Subsidiary editor Michelle Wu suggests the following mini-breaks:
- Sit in the car for a few minutes before joining the family.
- Try deep breathing or meditation. (I love the Stop, Breathe & Think app.)
- Make a thank you list.
- Take a quick walk.
- Make a plan for the evening, including what to expect.
Use a “ markup ” system with your second parent
If you are a parent with a partner, manage your energy rationally. This could mean separating responsibilities or knowing when you need to tag . Agree on a look or passphrase that says, “I need to apologize for a few minutes.” If you see your partner bursting at the seams, say, “Hey, take a break.” You will be grateful when you are reciprocated.
Set expectations
The main reason for hysterics in babies is that we deceive their expectations. Emily Popek, mum of a 7-year-old from Oneont, NY, shared her technique: “Our breakdowns were always due to transitions, especially during the last transition from evening activity to sleep, so we often shared how: We are going read one story. When the story ends, we quietly get off the couch and go downstairs, “because it would be flopping shit otherwise.”
Set up a schedule
Changing your routine may simply help make your evening stretch more manageable. Some ideas:
- Consider feeding your children earlier . And sometimes you can say that because of the fact that on the plate, tears will be shed. If you know your little one is going to give up the pesto pasta, you can still put it on her plate and remind her to take a “no thanks,” bite, and give her chicken nuggets to get something in her belly. Don’t die on this hill.
- “Plan” for more downtime . Kids love both the scheduled activities and the free play. Trust your instinct and don’t feel guilty if you need to give up gymnastics for the sake of common sense.
- Add water. Even if it’s only 4:00 pm, the bath is a great hysteria. (And if it’s summer, “bath” could mean a spray bottle, a water hose, or a super slicker – whatever works!)
- Get some fresh air. Explode your child’s imagination and take him for a walk in the moonlight. Or park the kids in your backyard and let nature absorb your worries.
Talk about your big emotions and yours
When Andrea Danzi, a mom of three, in Morton, PA, can’t deal with the crisis quickly, she tells her children, “I want to help, but I can’t talk or help when you’re acting like this and I need help.” time-out. Come to me when you’re ready. For Danzi, her own crisis led to a revelation about transmitting emotions to her children. She said:
After the breakdown and looking in the mirror, I realized that this should be stopped. I didn’t practice what I taught. I apologized to all three individually and explained that I would try very hard to only shout about emergencies, because even if we are really upset and stressed, you cannot shout at people and make others sad. I also always say something like, “I know that you are really tired, and it makes you even more angry / upset, which sometimes happens to me,” because I think it is important that they know that their big feelings normal.
Teach Your Children to Meditate
When my oldest was 4, the meditation app was a desperate attempt to interrupt her breakdowns, but now she insists we do it every night. Stop, Breathe & Think also has a kids meditation app . Your child chooses emojis to represent how they are feeling, and the app recommends an appropriate short animated meditation video.
Try music
Listening to the song is part of our nightly routine. Sometimes my daughter has a special request (favorite dolls are dolls), but sometimes we choose a song at the pace they want to dance or calm down.
Get to know each child’s different needs before bed.
At 5 and 2 years old, my child has different needs before bed, but we want to keep our family rituals. We all go to the bath, tell stories and hug at 7, and it’s our funny secret that the eldest can sneak back downstairs if she “helps” us get her sister ready for bed. Call it an extra time, a growing up time, or a special time, it can allay the frustration of older siblings who don’t feel like they’re being given enough attention.
Know When To Throw A Towel
When everyone is on the verge of tears, maybe now is not the time for harsh remarks. Remember the days when they accepted your dictations without objection and everything was in place before going to bed? Praise yourself for these successes and admit that THIS IS NOT THIS DAY.