How to Accept an Apology
A sincere apology can be difficult; Admitting that you were wrong takes introspection, humility, and vulnerability. But the indifference of a person who accepts an apology too often makes an already uncomfortable situation worse. Redditor u / shakakhon wrote on r / LifeProHacks about the worst way to react to an apology:
If you are quarreling with someone, and he admits he was wrong, do not belittle or lose your nose about it. This can lead people to dig into false beliefs out of misplaced pride or hope to save face. It takes courage to admit that you are wrong and cannot be looked down upon.
Don’t be a fierce winner! If someone admits they were wrong, this is the moment to reward them. This is easier said than done, of course. Here are some ideas for when and how to accept an apology so that the conflict can be resolved in a healthy way.
Decide if you really accept their apology.
There are many degrees of disagreement and wrongdoing. Some of the insults are truly impossible to iron out with an apology – perhaps this person has been doing the same thing over and over for a long time and hasn’t changed his behavior. Maybe what they did this time was so bad that it changed your attitude towards them forever. Maybe the apology is bad, and the apologetic is not fully responsible for their actions.
If you really can’t accept the apology, don’t pretend to keep seething with resentment. In some situations, it is difficult or impossible to refuse an apology – for example, in the workplace. But in your personal life, you don’t have to accept a warm sorry. Apologizing is a step towards building a relationship. If this is not the relationship you want, let go.
Realize your vulnerability
Apologies usually follow violent feelings; you are hot, they are hot. Even if I’m right, I often feel uncomfortable when it’s time to make up. Partly because during the conflict, I showed how much I cared about something. When we are emotional, it is easy to feel vulnerable, and feelings of vulnerability can cause us to lash out even more, even in response to someone trying to fix the situation.
We can get carried away with complacency, a strong feeling: you are right! You may not want to let go of this position. If you find yourself reacting negatively to a sincere apology, admit to yourself that it makes you feel vulnerable. It can help you figure out if you are angry with the other person or are simply afraid of your feelings.
Give yourself time
If you are really upset about something, say, “It’s okay!” minimizes your feelings, feelings that may arise again at some point. If you need time after an apology, you can say that. For example: “Thanks for the apology, but I need some time and space.”
Let yourself cool – I think it might be helpful to ask if you can write or call later. This way, you don’t have to make any grand gestures to show that you are ready to reconnect. You can just reach out, say hello, and take it from there. Typically, if people make a good faith effort to correct a mistake, they will understand and back down. If not, then back to my first point about whether you want to fix this relationship.
What else can you say
“I accept your apology” is a very formal way to respond to an apology, but that’s what we used to say.
“It’s okay” is also a fairly common (more casual) answer, but as we discussed, sometimes it’s not okay. Here are some ideas for what you can say when you want to accept someone’s apology without being disingenuous about how you feel. Some may be more suitable for friends and family, while others may be more suitable for work scenarios:
- Thanks for saying that. I was upset about ___ and I’m glad you understand that. Let’s move on.
- I appreciate your apology. I’m still angry, but sooner or later.
- I understand everyone makes mistakes.
Share your feedback in the comments.
Recognize your role in the dispute
Sometimes only one person is completely and completely wrong. More often than not, a conflict arises between two people when they both act like jerks, but one of them looks more like a jerk than the other. You can take responsibility for your bad behavior in a fight without shifting the fight onto yourself. Say to the apologetic, “Thanks for the apology. I wish you had done ___, it’s true, but I also wish I hadn’t done ___. “