Buy a School Picture for Your Child
Year after year, my son tries to knock school Picture Day out of the park with his confident pose and natural smile. Except for one year, when he was two and a half years old, and he was in kindergarten. Since his friends will one day google his name, I will not post it here. Instead, I will paint a mental picture for you.
He wore a brightly striped polo shirt and khaki shorts. They put him on an artificial tree stump against the backdrop of the lake. The photographer took three pictures of him; some in close-up, some in wider frames. In each position, he had a slightly different, but equally unhappy expression on his face. He was clearly crying, he was clearly NOT in the mood, and it looks like they’ve been at it for a while.
They put these frames together in a hilarious collage with the caption Spring 2012, which we now call the Season of Suffering.
My husband looked at this and said, “Okay, we definitely WON’T buy it.” To which I replied: “Go and get your checkbook.”
Now he admits that I was right. You will need these photos later. So buy them now.
When we were kids – before parents walked around with smartphones taking pictures of their kids’ every movement, school photography was serious business.
You dressed in your best Sunday suit, you curled and sprayed your hair, you sat up straight and smiled, you tried not to blink and prayed for a good result. The 8×10 version of this image will be displayed in your living room for the next 365 days. There will be no other family photo sessions or professional photos with you this year. You had one chance for that.
Things are different now. The number of photographs of our children that we take per year (or per day ) is about a thousand times greater. If they blink, move, or frown, you can take another shot and then another. You move them to the side of the room with softer lighting or kneel down to get a better angle. Then, you pick the best of the best, crop it, add a filter, and send it to social media for the whole world to get sycophantic. Photographic excellence has become the norm.
Maybe that’s why this mom was so taken aback when her son in a school photo depicted what I can only describe as a “playful growl”:
She was not a fan at first, writing this in a Facebook post: “I’m so angry right now! I checked my son’s book bag and found them !!!! “
But the picture went viral, collecting tens of thousands of likes and reposts, as well as a lot of positive reviews in the media. Two days after the first post, she changed her mind, saying, “Knowing that his stupid photo brought joy to the whole world, how can I continue to worry?”
She bought paintings.
She made the right choice by accepting the imperfect. Accept a dull expression or a forced smile: “I’m trying so hard, it really hurts.” A previously sleek hairstyle that is now blown out of the niche. Blinks, grimaces, and a green shirt that blends in with the green screen and makes it look like your child’s head is floating on the American flag (the Guardian in particular).
If your child brings home perfect school pictures every year and you feel left out, search the Internet for “awkward school pictures”. Start scrolling and enjoy.