Stop Using the Words “at Least for Comfort”
When someone confesses to you about anything – from a truly awful day to an ordinary shitty day – the next words from your lips should never be: “At least …”
Anything after “At least …” is minimized at best and offensive at worst.
I have such a bad cold. At least it’s not the flu.
I lost my job today. At least you will have a break from work.
I had a miscarriage. At least you know you can get pregnant.
Most people who use “at least …” to console themselves are well-intentioned. They think they are helping by pointing to the “bright side.” But people in pain do not want to see the bright side; they want to be heard and understood.
“At least” may be sympathetic to say, but it is not empathetic. The difference is significant, says Brené Brown , a research professor who has studied courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She explains it so well inthis cartoon short :
Focus on communicating with someone who trusts, says Brown. If you don’t know what to say, she suggests, “I don’t even know what to say right now, I’m so glad you told me.”
Another classic that never goes out of style: I’m sorry.