How to Invite Friends Out on a Date
So it finally happened. You have met someone great. They are smart, attractive, they have a job – and they are perfect for your overly picky friend. We’ve all been there, you have a friend who would be great for someone else, and you’re sure they got along. But setting them up is easier said than done, as opposed to romantic get-togethers on a busy subway platform or at a wedding reception.
I spoke with dating coach Connell Barrett about the intricacies of correcting a situation and how to get out of trouble if things don’t go quite as planned.
Look at lifestyle factors
First things first, before starting someone, it’s important to think about what potential dates have in common. When you make a friend, Barrett says, he’ll probably need to check in with someone in five areas: age, sense of humor, career ambition, physical attractiveness, and politics.
No, they don’t have to be equal in any of these categories (not everyone wants to date their line, and everyone has their own preferences). It’s about taking an objective approach and figuring out if they can make a good match. Can you imagine your friends holding hands or joking with each other? If so, you’re in luck.
Of course, while they may overlap in most categories, each still has its own problems, according to Barrett, who once made two identical friends with different political views.
“[My friend] said, ‘I just can’t see myself with someone who voted for Donald Trump,’ and they didn’t even talk about politics,” he said. “It was a good reminder to me that if any of the Big Five fail, it is very unlikely that they will have a future together.”
So before you start drawing up your master plan, make sure they really have enough in common (and that their preferences in the upcoming elections are not the deciding factor).
Rate their interest
Let’s say your friend is interested in another friend or acquaintance of yours. Or are you adamant that they like each other.
First, don’t create a potential date as a setting. “I would say, ‘I have someone who can be really good for you and who you can like.’ Are you ready for this? “Barrett said. “Very few people will say ‘No thanks.’ You could seduce them, so to speak, by dropping your handkerchief.
Also evaluate the interest of the other side. Ask them if they might be interested, without too much pressure. If so, ask them to swap numbers or connect them in some other way that doesn’t feel like they’re being put in place (making a friend request on Facebook is fine, although not so personal).
But what if this is a one-sided affair? Well, let your friend know that this is nothing personal. As the episode of Sex and the City once taught me, sometimes it’s better to lie too.
Keep it discreet
So they are interested and they are making a date! Look at you, evil mastermind. When your friend finally makes his move, no matter what you do, don’t try to make the situation more stressful than necessary.
Let them communicate on their own and don’t interfere more than necessary (other than answering random curious questions). And just because you are involved, do not create your friends in a large group, for example, at a party to which you are invited, Barrett said.
“You don’t want them to meet at a big event where there are a bunch of other people, because they will be really shy and get all the eyes on them,” he said. “Sounds good, but creates a lot of pressure.”
What’s the perfect first date? A quick coffee or a glass of wine. It’s less pressure and the date can switch to another coffee or glass if they so choose. So tell your friend (s) not to hum and slowly walk away from the group text.
Support your friend
So the date was smelly. Or not everyone is interested. Or just not their time! It’s okay too. Made friends, and after the first date it’s always awkward, especially with mutual acquaintances.
“You want to tell people what this is about chemistry,” Barrett said. “If one person likes another and the other just doesn’t like him or her, it can feel really personal. This may seem like a judgment of your worth and worth, and it is very painful. That’s why dating sucks. “
So how do you answer? Well, tell your friend it’s not about them. Barrett added that this is a matter of “suitability.” “See every date and every positive action as a win-win. Every approach. Every flirty text. Every date you go on. Every right swipe. All are win-win. You want to fall in love with good deeds, not judge the outcome. “
What if both friends are not interested? Well, it’s simple. You may not be able to be together at the same party, but sometimes one connection can lead to another.
And if both parties are interested, well, you’ve got a golden matchmaker. Exit the script and ask them to send you a wedding invitation in a couple of years for a job well done.