How to Deal With Romantic Rejection
The mystery of love is overshadowed by the much larger mystery of how to deal with hell if you get dumped. Here’s how to get started.
Most functional adults have faced rejection in some aspects of their lives, from applying for an apartment and a job to being chosen last to play dodgeball. Hearing no is much more common than hearing yes, so we mostly get used to it. However, being rejected in a romantic relationship is another matter entirely. Whether you’re in love or just in love, someone who doesn’t love you can feel a lot more painful than missing out on a promotion.
Allow yourself to grieve
The loss of a relationship is like a small death – the death of the future you, whom you imagined next to a specific person. It’s okay to be sad about it, like any loss. Take time to feel your feelings; there is no rush to get back there. It will gradually get better, although there will be good and bad days. Days when you lie in bed and eat ice cream; the days you cry in the insurance ad. Try to balance them with days outside and days doing things that make life fun. This can also include being in bed, eating ice cream.
It’s not as personal as it seems
When you ask someone out on a date and get rejected, or worse, someone dumps you, it’s like a total rejection of your soul. And also your body. What’s your style ?! There is so much of it that someone doesn’t like you back, which is why it’s so frustrating.
Try to remember that everyone is as difficult as you are. It is impossible to understand why they are not in you. Some of these reasons are completely beyond your control. Maybe you remind them of someone who has wronged them in the past; maybe they are not quite ready for a relationship (sometimes this is true!); they may not even be attracted to your gender. Rejection is equally related to the person who rejects. As personal as it may seem, there are many factors that you will never know about.
Hide their number
This is a clever trick I was advised when I succumbed to the temptation to write to someone who saw me: delete their number. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I called their name “Don’t write” instead. This is unsafe, but it forces you to pause before clicking the Submit button. In your best moments, you know you shouldn’t text or call them. Leave a hint when you feel worse.
Try something new
It’s hard to forget someone when everything in your daily routine reminds you of the hole they left behind. Disrupt your lifestyle by trying something different: new hobby, new class, new restaurant, new park. Anything to shake up. This will not only give you a reason to think, but it will also be more likely to connect with other people with the same interests. There is nothing better than a new perspective to help dispel the clouds.
Strengthen other relationships
True friends will be there for you, despite all the difficulties. You are also allowed to have as many of them as you want – as opposed to romantic relationships, which usually have much less wiggle room. Invest in friendships, communicate, talk about your feelings.
The caveat here is that you should invest in friendships when you are in a relationship. If you are the type of person who neglects friends when dating someone, you are going to have a tough time. Fortunately, restoring these friendships is a great project to support you in the future.
Get out again
After the grief subsides, after you build up your self-esteem, you will need to return to it. I know dating is often terrible, but the longer you avoid it, the harder it gets to get started – sort of like going to the gym. Even if you’re not ready for someone new, having coffee with a nice person is a good exercise. Romantic rejection sucks, but don’t be fooled into thinking that one rejection is a life sentence.