Make This Buffalo Cauliflower Sauce for Super Bowl Sunday
Buffalo Wings and Super Bowl mix together like peanut butter and jelly, and no one knows it like vegetarian soccer fans. As much as I love the buffalo cauliflower wings, they are really best deep-fried, a method that doesn’t go well with drinking alcohol. Luckily, God gave us Buffalo Chicken Sauce.
If you’ve never had it before, Buffalo Chicken Sauce is shredded chicken held together with a wicked layer of cream cheese, Frank’s RedHot, grated cheese and ranch sauce, and then baked until hot and bubbly. This is a high-octane, proud, strange flag-waving garbage that I absolutely love in all its forms. This is not to say that this is beyond the scope of criticism, and on this issue I have several notes. First, in most recipes, you mix ranch dressing or blue cheese directly into the sauce and bake it. Serving buffalo without blue cheese can be a crime, as can heating a mayonnaise-based dressing above room temperature. Second, there must be a way to work with celery without resorting to sad stems.
Finally, chicken usually sucks. The breast is soft and stringy, or worse, watery; Thigh meat adds more fat to an already fatty meal. You need something in bulk, but the ubiquitous shredded grilled chicken has always seemed like a half formality. We can do better.
Based on the success of the Buffalo cauliflower wings, I decided that the fried buds would be as good a chicken substitute as the others. There is only one problem: Because of the water content in cauliflower, it is difficult to get a crispy crust. Hoping it worked as magically as it did with the crispy baked chicken wings , I added baking powder to my seasonings and sautéed the cauliflower over high heat. It worked even better than I hoped. Baking powder is basically corn starch mixed with a mixture of powdered acids and bases; when it comes in contact with liquid, it fizzes and bubbles like crazy, creating a rocky, ultra-crisp surface. The buds came out of the oven crispy, nicely browned and not even slightly damp.
After processing the cauliflower, all that’s left are a few minor changes to the classic formula. I swapped out the soft grated cheese for standard blue crumbs and left the dressing drizzled on top before serving. The finishing touch is a shower of quickly marinated celery and shallots, which greatly enliven, adding freshness and crunch without being, you know, a celery stick. Spreading the “big three” flavors – buffalo sauce, blue cheese, celery – on three separate layers means you can actually taste and appreciate each one, which is always a winning strategy.
I’ve eaten a lot of Buffalo sauce in my life and this lean option is the best one by a mile. It tastes a hell of a lot better than any chicken-based sauce, and the texture is thicker, richer, and easier to dip. Placing the accessories on top provides the desired textured contrast and prevents a single note scent situation. No one is stopping you from eating chicken, but even if you do eat meat, I honestly don’t understand why you do it.
Three Layer Buffalo Cauliflower Sauce
Don’t skip baking powder on the cauliflower; it creates a very important crunchy surface. As for the blue cheese dressing, you can use your favorite brand’s ready-made foods or make yourself a batch quickly . The rest of this recipe is taken from the back of Frank’s bottle, although I’m omitting the ranch. You should never mess with the classics unless they involve a hot ranch dressing.
Ingredients:
For sautéed cauliflower:
- Approximately 1 lb. cauliflower, buds broken into small clusters, and stems criss-crossed 1/2 inch thick
- 4 tablespoons of neutral oil
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon adobo seasoning, garlic salt, or any seasoning mixture with salt and monosodium glutamate
- 1/2 teaspoon paprika, smoked or plain
For seasoning with celery:
- 3 celery stalks and any leaves attached, finely chopped
- 1/2 large or 1 small shallots, finely chopped
- Salt and granulated sugar to taste.
- 3-4 tablespoons of your choice of vinegar (I used apple cider)
For swimming:
- 1 pack of 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 – 3/4 cup Frank’s RedHot or other red pepper vinegar sauce (use less if you’re heat sensitive)
- 1/2 cup grated soft cheddar, monterey jack, mozzarella, or mixture
- 1/2 cup (or more) of your favorite blue cheese dressing
Instructions:
Place the baking sheet on the middle rack of the oven and heat to 425ºF. While it is heating, toss the cauliflower and 2 tablespoons of oil in a large bowl. Add baking powder, seasoned salt and pepper and stir until smooth.
When the oven has finished preheating, add the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil to the hot baking sheet and return to the oven for 2 or 3 minutes. Tilt the pan gently so the hot oil is evenly coated on the surface, then transfer the seasoned cauliflower to the pan. Cook for 35-45 minutes, stirring in half and end as needed, until the cauliflower is crispy and deeply browned. Drain water onto paper towels and set aside.
Cook the celery while the cauliflower is sautéing. Combine the diced celery and shallots in a small bowl and sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon each salt and sugar. Squeeze and massage the vegetables with your hands until they are soft and runny. Add 2 or 3 tablespoons of vinegar, then taste the brine and a piece of vegetables; add more salt, sugar and vinegar as needed. Cover tightly with plastic and refrigerate until expiration date.
To make the sauce, first lower the oven temperature to 350ºF. Thoroughly combine the cream cheese and hot sauce in a 4-cup measuring cup or bowl, then add the fried cauliflower and shredded cheese. Place in a 9-inch baking dish, baking dish, or small skillet suitable for oven use and bake for 20-30 minutes until bubbles form.
Sprinkle generously with the blue cheese sauce and sprinkle with celery. Serve hot with chips, bread, a spoon or, if absolutely necessary, celery sticks. If you find you have leftovers from food, slap it between two slices of buttered bread for the funniest grilled cheese you’ve ever had. You are welcome.