How to Beat the Baby Blues

Firstborn Katie Radigan is 20 years old, but she remembers the “baby blues” she had with him like it was yesterday.

“I was happy to have this beautiful baby, but I also had the same tearfulness I had with PMS,” says the 53-year-old writer from Long Island. “I would have cried, and then everything was all right. I cried and then breastfed him. “

But most of all she remembers that day, two or three weeks after the birth of her son, when she woke up and thought: “Today I feel good or bad.” says Radigan. “And then I thought that if I can make a choice, then it should be over. It’s like someone put a coat on me and then took it off. He rose by himself. “

Radigan is one of 85 percent of women who experience the baby blues in the first two to three weeks after giving birth. Blues differs from postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety in that it resolves quickly on its own. What the baby blues looks like can be different for everyone, but they are usually associated with dramatic ups and downs in your emotions, a general feeling of depression, a very low tolerance for disappointment or even anger.

This is because the hormones in your body that helped your baby develop for nine months plummet after giving birth. Remember how emotional your youth was? The baby blues is like compressed adolescence with added elements of sleep deprivation, physical recovery from childbirth, and responsibility for having a baby. This is a strong cocktail.

The good news about the blues is that, as with Radigan, they will improve within two to three weeks; but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for feeling bad. There are things you can do to help you weather the storm more comfortably and know if you might need extra help to weather it.

Expect the blues

Some of the greatest suffering we experience in life occurs when reality falls short of our expectations. So, knowing what the blues can happen to you and what it might look like, you can make the experience less intimidating and more bearable. And it will help you not feel like an oddball when your experience is not like Hollywood storylines.

“You will have moments when you feel joyful and moments when you feel depressed and anxious,” says Karen Kleiman, founder of the Postpartum Stress Center in Rosemont, PA. “And that’s okay.”

Ask and accept help

This is one of the many times on your journey to motherhood where you deserve all the support you can get. You are recovering from nine months of pregnancy, followed by an incredible physical challenge – childbirth and possibly major surgery. You need time to heal and rest. It will not do anyone any good if you push yourself too quickly or too hard.

Stay in your pajamas. Stay in bed. Ask friends and family for help. “If people clean up, look after you or take care of your baby while you are caring for the baby, it will be much easier for you to get over it,” says Kleiman.

Put your well-being first

Everyone is focusing on the newborn, but the truth is, “Mom’s experiences in those first few weeks are the most important,” says Sarah Best, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist who specializes in reproductive mental health.

“You may receive messages that tell you otherwise, but I’m here to tell you bluntly: your well-being matters the most,” she says. “Satisfying relatives, entertaining neighbors, or washing dishes should be sidelined.”

Take pain seriously

“The physical pain — whether it’s nipple pain, a cesarean section, or a tear after vaginal delivery — complicates things,” says Best.

If your pain is making it difficult to feel relatively comfortable, talk to your doctor and see your doctor. And for those recovering from vaginal birth, I have two words: donut pillow.

Moisturize and eat

Dehydration can cause physical symptoms similar to anxiety, as well as childbirth and breastfeeding, Best said. So, grab your best water bottle and keep it full by your side.

Ask visitors to bring hearty meals and wholesome snacks like nuts and dried fruits so you always have something tasty to grab.

“Things get more difficult when your brain isn’t getting the nourishment it needs,” says Best.

Get breaks from baby

The baby always requires your extra attention. This is not only physically draining, but also emotionally draining. You may not realize how much this is until you leave the house, blink in the bright sun, roll your shoulders and feel the release of responsibility roll over you. I highly recommend this.

Ask your partner, family member, or trusted friend to look after the child and go out for a short walk or just sit on a park bench. If your recovery is preventing you from staying inside, barricade yourself in the bathroom with the White Noise Machine app on your phone (so you won’t be tempted to go back to the fussy kid who gets along great with Aunt Irene, by the way). Add some good lotion or a bath and give your body a little love and relaxation to the mind.

Focus on sleep

Do not laugh. Ok, go on and laugh; I’ll wait. I know that having a baby and sleeping is not a natural combination. But the harsh and cold truth is that almost nothing is more important to your emotional well-being than sleep.

“Parents spend so much time educating themselves about everything they can do to ensure their kids have the best experience, but you can’t be that wonderful parent if you’re tired,” says Janet Crown Kennedy, author of The Good Sleep: The Good Sleeper: The Essential Sleeping Guide for Your Child (and You). “You lack patience or mood stability. You are irritable. Everything seems to be a problem. “

Know When It Could Be More

Baby blues are very common, but not rare perinatal mood disorders and anxiety disorders (PMAD) , such as postpartum depression and anxiety. In fact, 20 percent of women experience this. It’s important to know what signs indicate the possibility that you need professional help to feel better. The key difference between baby blues and PMADS is timing.

Infant blues begin and end in the first two to three weeks after birth. If your symptoms last longer or start later, this is your first clue that you may have PMAD. Another big difference is how you feel.

“Some of the emotions of the baby blues can coincide with depression,” explains Kleiman, who is also the author of This Is Not What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression . “For example, all young mothers cry, but if you cry all day, for many days and cannot function because you cry too much, that is different.”

Radigan developed postpartum depression after giving birth to her second child, and she says she seemed “darker, heavier and more hopeless” than her experience with infant depression. She cried constantly, and she says: “It seemed to me that nothing I did did not make her easier.” It didn’t go away on its own, but with the help of therapy and drugs, “it rose.”

It’s also important to know that some of the most common symptoms of PMAD – such as persistent anxiety and anger – don’t look like the serene pictures on the covers of hospital brochures about postpartum depression.

The crux of your mental health in this new phase of life is this: The screening won’t do harm.

“Any time you are concerned about how you feel or think,” says Kleiman, “it’s time to let someone you trust know how you are feeling.”