How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
There is a school mind, a street mind, a business mind, but we tend to forget about smart feelings: emotional intelligence. Like your ability to think critically, you can develop your ability to read and express emotions.
All exercises designed to gradually improve abilities involve dedication, including increasing “emotional intelligence”. Author Justin Bariso writes for Inc.com that his new book EQ Applied: The Real World Guide to Emotional Intelligence is full of tips that are designed to be applied in just a few minutes a day, but consistently. These are just the basics for starting to understand your own feelings and the feelings of others, and it starts with emotional maturity to know you need it.
Look inside
A lot of Bariso’s advice focuses on self-reflection, which makes sense; If you have a reputation for being a hot-tempered person or someone who cries every time someone asks you, this is a problem. You have an emotional overreaction that is probably entirely related to other issues that should be explored. If you’re unsure where to start, Bariso offers the following questions as a starting point:
How does my mood affect my thoughts and decision making?
How would I (or you) describe my communication style and its impact on others?
What character traits bother me? Why?
Is it difficult for me to admit I’m wrong? Why or why not?
What are my strengths? What are my weak points?
If you’ve just lost control or blown someone up, it’s time to ask yourself why (after apologizing). Think about what turned you on without shifting the blame onto others. You can get better the next time you’re in an unstable situation by asking yourself, “What can I tell myself next time that will help me think more clearly?”
Finally, if you receive criticism that upsets you, try to take your mind off your emotions for a second. Think instead, “Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternative perspective?”
You can also take the praise and approach it in a similar way, considering what went well and how these positives may be even greater. All of this happens in the privacy of your own mind, or perhaps with a therapist. It is a safe place to explore difficult feelings without external reactions that you will later regret.
Practice, practice, practice
All this self-reflection won’t do much good unless you also try to change your daily behavior. You can simply pause when you feel an emotion approaching; take a short walk, ask for some thought, give yourself time to think before answering. You can also ask yourself these three questions:
Should we talk about it?
Do I need to say this?
Should I talk about it now?
Practicing empathy is another aspect of improvement. If someone tells you about their feelings, do not ignore them; instead, think about a time when you felt the same way and how you would like other people to react. And take the time to appreciate other people whenever they benefit your life, not just when they annoy you:
For one month, set aside twenty minutes a week to reflect on what you value in someone important to you. This could be your significant other (or another member of your family), friend, business partner, or colleague.
Then take the time to write them a short note, call them, or meet them in person. Tell them how they help you or what you value in them. Do not address any other topic or problem; just show a little love.
Finally, learning to apologize and learning to accept an apology is like gaining the emotional status of a Jedi. Start small and work your way up to forgiveness.
21 Ways To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence (Using Just A Few Minutes A Day) | Inc.com