Using Those Blunt Whiskey Stones You Got
I rarely feel bad about men. In most cases, it is difficult for them to feel guilty. But I feel sorry for them when I read the gift guides aimed at them. Nearly every gift guide for brothers, fathers, husbands and lovers (ew) contains a “leather key box and jerky (as shown later in the gift guide)”, “a slightly stiff beige or gray weekend bag that doesn’t look at all like a wallet “and” stupid fucking whiskey stones. “
Ladies. Don’t buy your man whiskey stones. Don’t buy your lady whiskey stones. Don’t buy whiskey stones for anyone. (I will say that one of the real benefits of being a woman is that no one puts silly whiskey stones in our gift guides for women. This is, of course, based on the really cool idea that women only drink pure alcohol. and rose wine. Our gift guides contain wonders like this $ 80 gum , but I digress.)
Whiskey stones do not cool the drink as well as ice. They also don’t thin your drink, which is touted as a good thing, but it’s actually a bad thing because any drink gets better with a little thinning. (I mean, there are some expensive whiskeys that you probably want to enjoy completely clean or slightly watered down at room temperature, in which case your best bet is to add a couple of drops of water.) They are much larger as well. more expensive than ice, which is not free, but almost free. Whiskey stones are mostly useless and I only say “mostly useless” and not “completely useless” because a very smart friend on Twitter responded to my very angry tweet with one very clever use of them:
This is the only good use I’ve ever heard of these useless stones. Does this justify buying a set of whiskey stones? No. But they’ll really come in handy if a well-meaning but ill-informed friend or relative gives them to you this holiday season. Because they can only slightly chill whatever liquid you put them in, they are ideal for taking the spice off a cup or tea, coffee, or (holiday) cocoa.
Updated 12/17/18 at 2:32 PM ET with added expensive whiskey and dilution theme in parentheses.