How to Improve Communication When Face-to-Face Contact Is Stressful for You
Talking to strangers in a crowded room, where everyone wants something from each other, is a real nightmare, and sometimes the most direct path to career growth. But there is another way to connect to the network – because of the computer screen.
Your network includes many acquaintances and former colleagues, and most of them won’t be your best friends, as Karen Vikre explains in an article for Ideas.Ted.com. Vikre has a long career at Google and went on to work as the editorial director of Twitter, so as you can imagine, she has a fairly large list of people she keeps in touch with. This means developing an interest in people with whom you are not necessarily close, but with whom you want to remain friendly. Here’s how she does it.
Remember that everyone should ask for help.
Many people do not keep their connections because they consider themselves an island. They will never ask for help. Never!! But this is an untenable position; sometimes everyone needs help, and reminding yourself of this earlier is good. This means that when the time comes, the right people will truly appear in your life. Think of building and expanding your network as part of your job description, not unnecessary insurance policy.
Parenting before the need arises
When things are going well, it’s easy to let the web grow, but now is the best time to do it. You keep in touch before you need anything. Vikre describes it as “incoherent communication” or short casual contact with someone for no real reason:
You pop up from time to time with your connections and acquaintances (old and new) without any obligation to follow or see each other in person. If you do this when you do not feel the need, you will begin to see yourself as a giver, not a receiver. And if you can occasionally solve problems for others as a result of these tests, it will help you overcome your fear of neediness.
You create positive associations with your name and make people feel like you are interested in them. This is much better than being the person who only gets in touch in a desperate situation.
It’s all virtual
What’s great about this tip is that it can be used at home. Live networking has its advantages, of course, but once you’ve met someone, you don’t have to meet them again. Just stay connected via email, text messages, or by sharing a fun tweet on DM. Wickre has always done this, and it used to be much more complicated:
A long time ago, it was a natural habit of mine to have my daily phone call list on sticky notes taped to the cover of a battered address book. If I missed someone, they made it to the list the next day. Fast forward to the 21st century, and most of our communication takes place through text messages, direct messages and email. None of this requires a phone call, so you don’t have to worry about interrupting someone because people can answer you when they are free.
Phone call?! Good God, no! Let’s all be grateful that we no longer need to hear another person’s voice in order to keep in touch with them. Some of my best working relationships are with people I probably don’t even recognize at the coffee shop. Thanks, internet.
Do not overdo it
However, don’t let the lightness of sending someone a gif of a dog lest you get overwhelmed. The lack of communication on the network should be intermittent and based on the actual connection. Vikre, as a friend and entrepreneur, described Julie’s successful use of free touch and gave an emotionally intelligent response:
“It goes back to the basics of a good person, a good neighbor. You should always take care of your friends, ex-coworkers and neighbors. If you are a good person, you are always ready to help him – and then you can easily get or ask for help later. “
Keep it low but thoughtful. And keep in mind that sometimes checking someone out can lead to an invitation to a meeting in real life.