That’s Why You Don’t Have Sex
According to Time, we have much less sex as a society than we used to. Reporter Belinda Luscombe delved deeper into research that shows that people everywhere simply no longer entertain themselves with fornication. For example, the National Council for the Study of Public Opinion at the University of Chicago said the number of people going crazy at least once a week increased from 45% in 2000 to 36% by 2016.
They also say that people in their twenties are now much less sexually active than the previous generation, condom sales are declining, and the CDC reports that teenage sex has not changed or has declined since 1985. Where are we going? Apparently nothing. That’s why:
Fewer marriages
Despite what you’ve heard, marriage often increases the number of people having sex compared to single people your age. That’s according to Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University who has written on the topic for the Sexual Behavior Archives . Basically, if you know where your next hundred bookmarks come from, you go and get them:
It’s just a matter of logistics: people who work in a pizzeria eat a lot more pizza than others because they don’t have to go out to pick it up. Married people get it more than their single peers because they are already going to bed with someone who is theoretically ready to have sex with them. The supply side of the equation has been solved, with only demand remaining a mystery.
When fewer people come together in stable communal homes, there is less sex. The average age at marriage in the United States has risen, which means delays in finding a permanent sexual partner. But even married people, Luscombe admits, can have problems with it.
Are you too tired (with children)
Sexual obligations change after you have children. Surprisingly, even if their children are less than six years old, people will still knock. When your kids are six to 17 years old, things don’t go well; Researchers suggest this is due to general family anxiety, which gets worse when your kids can talk, walk, and apply to college. On a positive note, parents often return to normal when they turn 60.
your phone number
Children are very distracting, but we have many other distractions that make us forget about adultery. Sex is fun: it is a form of fun at its most basic level. If your entertainment needs are met by Netflix or your phone, you may not be able to find them elsewhere. Or you might get nervous paying bills in bed, comparing yourself to others on Instagram, or reading the news. Not very sexy.
“Technology in the bedroom, unless it is used for prosexual or sexual arousal, can be a significant deterrent to the kind of sexual arousal that is really necessary for desire,” says Dr. Laurie Brotteaux. professor of obstetrics at the University of British Columbia and sex therapist.
Another benefit of not using screens an hour before bed, huh?
Porn
There is a lot of debate about how porn affects people’s sex lives. Any criticism of pornography is considered moralizing by some. Others fear that treating screens rather than human faces is changing the way people are sexually stimulated. Sex therapist and writer Marty Klein told Luscombe that this is definitely a problem that often comes up in his practice:
“The biggest change I’ve seen [since 2000] is women’s complaints about men using pornography,” says Klein, who leans towards pro-pornography. “I get this at least once a week.”
Psychotherapist Jan Kerner invites people to watch ethically created porn together to start a conversation about sex or just to have some sex. After all, it should be exciting! Twenge’s study found that people who watched “at least one pornographic movie in the past year were more likely to have sex than those who did not,” although the results are inconclusive. But it’s also worth noting that while sex is shrinking, the sex toy industry is not, and VR porn is very popular right now. In more than one way.
Your friends
So remember how living with someone who has sex with you leads to more sex? Well, it turns out that hanging out with friends leads to much less sex for the same reason. More and more people in their twenties are hanging out at night with groups, and while drunk people undoubtedly do happen, it’s not as clear and consistent as relationships.
“When people are young and healthy and have the highest sex drive, they are less likely to live with a partner,” says Twenge. “So there is a large proportion of people between the ages of 20 and 20 who do not have sex at all.”
Groups of friends can be emotionally supportive and arguably better for you than sex, a weekly night at Settlers of Catan can get in the way of your score.
Consent talks
Labscombe interviewed a couple in which husband Matt was unhappy with how little sex he and his wife had, but had a hard time figuring out what it was reasonable to ask for:
“I always had a question, am I really unreasonable? says Matt. “It’s not for me to determine how legitimate her excuses are. And I don’t want to do it if she doesn’t like it. ” But he admits that he may be thinking too much about it. “It’s probably a cultural thing where there’s such a huge emphasis on consent, and of course there should be,” he says, “but it’s important to the point that I don’t even want to doubt that something not so in relation. “
The #MeToo movement is a way to discuss how violent sexual behavior infiltrates not only work but also interpersonal relationships. This also means marriage and is worth talking about. Dr. Brotteau told Luscombe that the cultural atmosphere makes people question their usual notions of how their partner should respond to them:
“This could mean that partners are less initiating, that they sit back and wait for the woman to initiate. And then feel rejected when they don’t. I see a lot in my clinical practice. “
Personally, I only see it as a benefit, even if it means less sex. Because there is still a lack of communication, which is a common problem for most couples; talk to your partner about what they want and need, and what you want and need, and find a place to meet in the middle. And Dr. Klein agrees:
“If you want me to give my advice to the American public on this, I would say, ‘Talk to each other about sex,’” says Klein. “Talk to each other about how you want to feel. Do you want to feel attractive? Want to feel welcome? Do you want to feel young? Do you want to feel graceful? “
Sex is truly fun and requires a lot of work.