I Am Screenwriter and Producer Wajahat Ali and I Am a Parent.
What is it like to be a Muslim today? This is the question that Wajahat Ali, a New York Times writer, Emmy-nominated producer and one of CNN’s 25 Most Influential Muslims, has always been thinking about. In his work, he has reflected on everything from how Ramadan became mainstream to the moment he first heard his American-born Pakistani immigrant father say “I love you,” to the midlife crisis that he is experiencing as he approaches 40 years. Father of two children. Ali shares his parents with us.
Name: Wajahat Ali. Location: District of Columbia, Virginia, via Fremontistan, California. Job: Tired father of two, writer and storyteller, recovering lawyer Family: wife Sarah, son Ibrahim (4 years old) and daughter Nusayba (2 years old).
Tell us a little about your family and your career. Was life mostly according to plan, or were there any surprises?
When I was 20, I thought I would die by 35. I had an “eventful” decade. But somehow I convinced a much more educated, beautiful woman to somehow marry me by jumping a lot higher than my weight. We decided that we should try to start a family, give her a chance while my gametes can still swim. We were planning on Ibrahim and had so much fun that we were awake that we decided to switch to individual defense and aim for second place.
About 5 years ago, when I married Sarah and moved to Virginia from the Bay Area, I was a recovering lawyer who always dreamed of one day becoming a writer or storyteller. And I was completely broke. I had about $ 600 left on my account, but there was no work. Sarah worked at a health center in Washington DC. We moved into an apartment, and every day I “gave” her a new piece of furniture from IKEA that I collected. She told me to go to Kinko’s across the street just to get out of the house and make some money. A few days before I was about to apply, I got a call from Al Jazeera and said they were going to launch a new network, Al Jazeera America, and I heard a rumor that I had moved here. They asked if I would like to audition for the role of the co-host of a daily talk show called Stream . I told them that I am very busy making IKEA furniture. They were laughing. I let them assume I was joking. went to audition, sweated, went horribly, but somehow ended up at the table a few months later and aired at 7:30 pm ET, helping to launch the doomed network. A story lesson? Happy wife, happy life, follow your wife.
Tell us about your morning routine. What are your best tricks to get out the door?
Some people wake up with an alarm clock. I have a two-year-old girl jumping on the bed, punches me in the face and her fingers open my closed eyelids. Both are effective. Or my son jumps on my neck, not realizing that I am a fragile person and not a playground. Or they ignore me and I wake up with a cell phone alarm. When this happens, I use my ninja dad’s skills to do as many things as possible in my bedroom without drawing attention. This includes stretching the old man, exercising, taking a quick shower, making the bed, answering emails. As soon as I go out, the kids think it’s time to play, so I have to chase them around the house like “tickling a monster.” squeeze out for lunch.
When my son goes to school, I pick him up at 12, and then I come home and eat with the children. They expect me to feed them, although we have a nanny. Usually on those days I run away at 13:00. No gimmicks. You just need to leave when they are not paying attention, distracted, or watching TV. I usually try to act in roles. I tell my son that I need his “Hulk punching power” to close the door for me. It works.
How much outside help do you get as a parent? Who or what cannot you live without?
My wife is a superhero, she works full time as a doctor and assistant professor. Our families live in Florida and California. Luckily we have a nanny who comes in the morning and leaves early in the evening. We would not be able to work without her. Daycare, be it a nanny or a center, is a huge monthly expense, even for working people. My sincere respect for single parents and those who cannot afford this luxury. We are also fortunate to have close friends who sometimes come in the evenings to distract / play with our kids so I can look at the wall.
What gadgets, apps, charts, or tools do you rely on? Have you come across any weird parenting product that has changed your life?
I wish I had some magical device, app, or tool that could turn us into superfamily parents, but so far I’ve seen that the most reliable tools are love, attention, and time. While I was hosting a daily TV show, my son Ibrahim was born. Looking back, I can say that in that first year of his life, I was not the best of fathers. I was present, of course, but I was so immersed in my work, daily routine, stress that it was difficult for me to attend. I loved him, but our relationship was not strong. He didn’t necessarily enjoy spending time with me and was drawn to his mother, who gave him the extra love and attention he deserves.
After AJAM went off the air, I started working as a freelancer and I had more time. Over the course of three months, I noticed that my relationship with my son became stronger, more loving and special. He really enjoyed spending time with me. We have developed our own strange games and experiences. I took him to Barnes & Noble to play with the Thomas the Train set (which, of course, led me to buy and build one for him at our house). When Nusayba was born, I learned from those early mistakes and made a vow not to repeat them.
Has the way you work changed the way you become a parent?
Um, yes. My crazy kids are drugged on natural baby cocaine and stay awake until midnight. We tried everything but drugs to get them off. They are just energetic, curious guys. We doze them. We deprive them of sleep. Trying soothing music. We take soothing baths. Nada. Nothing. They are just plugged in. This means that we go from the time when we return home to the time when they sleep. So I’m on a graveyard shift. I divide my working day into two halves. The first half is from late morning to early morning. Then for my off-hours work it is from midnight to 3 am. Since I am a freelancer, we can do it right now. If I get a traditional 9 to 6 job, then by 2019 I’ll probably be dead.
How do you unpack?
Well, I’m a teetotaler, but I’ve heard that alcohol and weed are great. I would like to smoke weed. Oh, I would rock every day. I’d like to drink too, I’m sure, but I’m afraid I’ll turn into an alcoholic. And not one of those charming erudite people, but one of those vile paranoid people who think: “They are following me!”
So due to the lack of libation, my wife and I do massage once every two weeks. We buy a gift card that gives us a discount, and then we go for 30 minutes, and sometimes an hour, and lie like brown plasticine, willingly giving our flesh to the masseuse, so that it softens into some kind of cohesive flesh after it has withstood wear. bruises and scars from carrying babies who use our bodies as jungle gyms.
I also run and started to stretch. Just taking some time during the day to relax and breathe helps. Basically, we really like our children. They don’t necessarily stress us. We make silly faces with them and snort. Play our absurd games. Read the stories to them. Take them to the mall or park. To be honest, I miss them most of the time. But it would be nice if the little bastards slept on time.
What are you most proud of as a parent?
My children are alive. It amazes me. Somehow I helped raise two living, breathing, healthy, happy, smiling children. I am happy and grateful to the Universe. Recently my wife told me that my son came up to her, said, “I missed you, Mom,” and hugged her. Then he said, “I would like Baba to be here too.” My daughter was adamant that I would be the only one to play tickle the monster with her, and both kids want me to just bathe them.
As you get older, you discover the unusual in the ordinary; small routine life acts that do not lend themselves to the instragram become ideal crystals of joy and happiness. There is nothing special about what I just described, but it makes me proud because it shows that my children really enjoy my company, they benefit from my presence and hopefully I am a source of goodness for them.
What do you want your children to learn from your example?
To be honest, I’m just glad they look exactly like their mom. I won the genetic dysfunction lottery. My family has an amazing history of heart problems, anxiety, IBS, high blood pressure, and so on. Meanwhile, my wife looks like a genetic maniac who has abs, even though she has an unhealthy nine-year-old diet. But she is also the kindest person I have met. It’s disgusting to be married to a good person who enjoys helping people. Very, very annoying. You should give everyone the “benefit of doubt” and take into account “your feelings” and try to “forgive” people. Madness, I tell you. I hope they take advantage of her kindness.
What’s your favorite family ritual?
I have no idea how this ritual developed, but every time we get into the elevator, we start dancing like maniacs while the elevator moves. And right before the doors open, we all decide to act “normal” again towards the unsuspecting people who are about to enter. Nobody is wiser. My job is to be a DJ and record rhythmic beats and luckily both of my kids have some stellar dance moves.
Has anyone ever given you parenting advice that you really liked?
Be present. Try to be as present at each stage as possible. Everything goes by so fast. Each stage has its own rewards and challenges. Just accept it. You will love and miss it all – dirty diapers, first words, sleepless nights, paralyzed neck and shoulder pain, first day of school. All this.
In addition, you are responsible for your children. You brought them into this world, so do not complain or complain that they ruin your life. Try to integrate them as much as possible into your life, hobbies, hobbies, and daily routine. We are a social and active family and I try my best to bring my kids all over the place – from dinners to formal gigs.
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
Constant worry. Will I be able to protect them from all the uncertainty, danger, demons? Will I be able to provide? How am I going to ruin them? How much therapy will they need because of me? Will they grow up and hate me?
I think that parents are programmed to always worry about our children. It makes sense. We are responsible for their safety and well-being. This is 24/7 vigilance. Fortunately, we are not helicopter pilots, neurotic parents, and we try to give our children as much freedom and independence as possible so that they develop confidence and independence. I just hope I don’t spoil them and they end up healthy, alive, well, and get scholarships at great universities, and then perform well in jobs that might subsidize my writing career.
The only thing I would like to say to other parents who are pursuing a career:
Enjoy the chaos. Take it. Do not be offended by this. Otherwise, your life may be filled with bitterness and frustration, and you may end up resenting your family. The work will come, it is always there, it never ends. The career will advance, perhaps at a slower pace, on a different timeline than anticipated, but the love and joy of starting a family is worth it.