How Men Can Last Longer During Sex
Staying in bed longer is one of the most common reasons why men come to me for sex therapy services. Almost every man worries about orgasm too quickly, no matter how long it tries to last. Fortunately, there are some simple and effective ways to last longer during sex.
Change your masturbation habits
Your masturbation habits play a huge role in what partner sex means to you. Unfortunately, most men don’t realize this. If you want to know how to stay in bed longer, you must take an honest look at your masturbation habits. Here are some driving forces to watch out for:
How long do you masturbate
Most guys masturbate to get their jobs done. This is a purely utilitarian experience and is usually achieved as quickly as possible. (It could also be a pattern from your early childhood experiences when you tried to masturbate quickly before your parents approached you.) But if you masturbate quickly, you are training your body to reach orgasm quickly. Instead, you want to try to stretch your sessions and make them much longer. Think about how long you’d like to hang out with your partner, and don’t forget about this timeline when you masturbate.
How focused are you on orgasm?
If you are a utilitarian masturbator, you are probably also eager to take the direct route to orgasm. But again, this only serves to teach your body to walk the direct path to orgasm when you are with a partner. Instead, try adding a little teasing to your masturbation practice. Think of arousal on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is barely on and 10 is orgasm. Get 6, then again to 3, then again to 7, then to 5, then again to 6, then to 2, then to 8, and so on. (It doesn’t have to be this exact sample; it’s just an example.)
Find your point of no return
If you are striving for immediate orgasm, you probably have no idea what is happening in your body in the moments before orgasm (otherwise called the “point of no return”). This means that you are likely to be caught off guard by orgasms when you are with your partner. When you masturbate, try to better understand what’s going on in your body as you approach orgasm.
Take Porn Hiatus
To be very clear, I think porn can be part of a healthy sex life. But I think most people don’t really think about how they use porn in their solo sex life. While masturbating to porn, it can be much more difficult to keep in touch with your body as you look at the screen in front of you. This makes it harder for you to know where you are in the arousal process, and the more likely you will actually be caught off guard with your orgasm. As you learn to be more in tune with your arousal, masturbating without porn for a period of time can help.
Learn to manage anxiety
Not being able to stay in the bedroom for as long as you want can be a big anxiety. This anxiety, of course, only speeds up the orgasm. If you want to last longer, you need to learn how to manage that anxiety. I know this is not the sexiest advice, but one of the best ways to help yourself last longer during sex is to start some kind of mindfulness or meditation practice. 10-20 minutes of mindfulness practice each day can work wonders in solving performance problems. Fortunately, Lifehacker provides you with many resources .
Focus on your partner’s pleasure
One of the ironic features of performance problems is that many men end up overly emphasizing intercourse – the only sexual act that actually requires the cooperation of your penis. But there are actually many other ways you can please your partner. (And if you are having sex with a woman, you are more likely to be able to please her with your hands or mouth more than your penis.) Last long enough, make sure you help your partner experience pleasure or orgasm before proceeding to intercourse. It will also boost your confidence.
Take breaks and turn things around
During intercourse itself, you can help yourself last much longer if you take your time. There are several ways to do this:
- Try to reproduce the same pattern 6 to 3 to 7 to 5 that I mentioned above. (Again, you don’t need to copy this exact pattern, just a general idea of allowing your arousal to rise and fall.)
- Change the tempo of your thrusts. Alternate slow and fast.
- Change the thrust depth. Alternate between deep and shallow.
- Take breaks from intercourse to return to manual stimulation or oral sex.
This shifting of things keeps your partner tense, so you don’t feel like you’re doing it just to delay orgasm.
Don’t use pain relievers
Finally, a note on pain relieving sprays and creams. These products lengthen the time you spend in the bedroom by dulling the sensations you experience. They can be effective at times, but they are far from reliable. But the problem is, they just aren’t that enjoyable to use, and they don’t solve any of the underlying issues that cause early ejaculation. It’s just not the best long-term solution.