How to Be Less Intimidating
People told you that you scare, but you just don’t know why? You can give signals that say, “Don’t mess with me,” without even realizing it.
Or maybe you would like to be more intimidating, in which case you can read this post and do whatever it advises people not to do. Some of us want to intimidate, or at least appear strong in certain situations. However, power often comes from seemingly available – maybe even cute! You may want to adjust the vibrations that you emit.
Psychiatrist Grant Brenner writes for Psychology Today that bullying is a natural impulse of sorts:
Because we belong to the animal kingdom, we are programmed to use a variety of manifestations of power to ensure our safety and status in the pack, and to achieve our goals. Not all are apex predators or alpha dogs. But we are all tuned in to where we are with each other, with rare exceptions.
Personally, I believe that if you are aware of your abilities and use them to intimidate others, you do not deserve to compare yourself to such a beautiful animal as a dog. Brenner says that there are also many people who inadvertently scare because their perception of themselves is so different from what others see. Here’s what to look out for if you’re worried that this is your problem.
Don’t hide who you really are
If you have a certain personality that you wear in public, for whatever reason, people usually feel it. Brenner says that if that never changes, others get the impression that you are invulnerable, leading to feelings of “envy, admiration, and a sense of supernatural weirdness, because something important but undefinable just seems out of place.”
It’s quite poetic, but a little scary when you feel like you never see anything real in someone. You cannot know where you stand with them because you do not know who they are. Be sure to show people that you have different sides of your personality. You are a man, not a mask.
Be less verbally aggressive
You might be very smart. You can be very funny too. Try to assess whether you are using these abilities to turn off people, “win” in conversation, or weaken the emotions of others:
Competition and the need to win regardless of the stakes make it easy to throw witty witticisms, lash out verbally, at turns and traps.
This does not mean that being funny or smart is bad; just ask yourself if you are always thinking about getting back quickly instead of really communicating. If people are afraid to tell you something because they might be laughed at, that’s a problem.
Be less about competition in general
Sometimes we get so caught up in competition that we dehumanize other people. It’s all about us, and they have no place. You can think of it as less competitive or more “emotionally generous” towards others:
Oftentimes, insecurity and unresolved emotional wounds make some people emotionally mean without even realizing it. It is very difficult for them to be generous to others and to themselves, and this makes them feel isolated from others.
Overcompetitiveness can isolate you and discourage others from participating. While this can be useful in certain settings, such as at work, it is not how you make friends. Even at work, having allies is sometimes more beneficial than consistent # gain.
You are too confused
Sometimes, when people are too absorbed in their inner world, it is difficult for them to communicate. They may just be great talkers, but the feeling that the person knows more than you, things that you are not smart enough to understand, is often overwhelming.
It’s nice to find people who really understand you , but if no one seems to understand you , maybe work on your clarity in the conversation. You don’t need to immediately turn everything into a philosophical debate; let people get comfortable before bringing up dizzying ideas. Then they may not be afraid to answer.
You are really beautiful
According to Brenner, some of us are simply gifted with good looks, and this will always be intimidating:
Some people are born lucky – not that it doesn’t take hard work either – or seem to be lucky because they are very attractive, be it physically beautiful, intellectually gifted, famous, rich, sexy, talented, charismatic or whatever, really. can be a burden to those so touched.
He doesn’t really have any recommendations for this particular ailment, but showing warmth and kindness can help bridge the gap. And it’s probably best to first consider all of the other potential reasons people are afraid of you.