Why Do You Have to End This Relationship Over and Over Again?
Falling in love and falling out of love is a common thing that, unfortunately, often happens with the same partner. This is called the “relationship cycle,” and it turns out that it sucks even more emotional energy than it looks.
A new study by Family Relations magazine examined the “psychological stress” caused by breaking up and returning to someone again and again, according to The Cut. Anyone who has done this can tell you how awful it is, but now we have some research supporting why.
First, people do not tolerate uncertainty in our lives. If someone is supposed to be your rock, but he is swinging under you, it is disorienting. In fact, the overall conclusion of the study was that we cannot cope with these types of relationships, despite the fact that they constantly exist:
Breakup and renewal patterns have been associated with increased symptoms of psychological distress, indicating that the accumulation of transitions in relationships can create additional disturbances for people.
Yes. Yes I know.
The real problem is that every time you go back to the relationship cycle, it gets worse . This makes a lot of sense. When we get burned, we do not touch the stove. However, some combination of nostalgia, loneliness or addiction to drama will bring us back to the person we love, but probably shouldn’t be with, over and over again.
It doesn’t have to be a bad thing; if you’re willing to work on your problems, you can grow into new and better relationships together. However, according to research, people are often reluctant to put so much effort into the relationship they return to. This hasn’t worked in the past, so why invest emotional energy in improving? It’s like the relationship itself has burned us, but the person is still attracted.
This means that every iteration of your relationship is worse than the last. This may explain why it sometimes feels like we have to part ways with a person multiple times before it gets stuck. If you really want this to work with someone, you must treat the old relationship as new. This is a pretty daunting task. Maybe you better really start from scratch.
Eme Lyutkin is a freelance writer who blogs a lot about dating . She currently travels the country and is going on a date in every city she visits.