Do a ‘routine Check’ With Your Partner
What separates couples does not always matter. Often these are everyday things, things that you feel you should be able to shrug off, but trying to do it only makes you angry, and so you cook the resentment in silence until one early morning, when some unrelated irritation causes explode you. the words “YOU ALWAYS FORGET TO THROW OUT THE PACKAGE, AND WHY I SHOULD DO IT FOR YOU, I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!” Um, was anyone else there?
This is often the case with household chores. We all have expectations, whether we formulate them or not, about how a house should look (or smell), what should be done and how often, and who should perform those tasks. The reality is usually that everyone is doing something, and many of us think that we are doing a disproportionate amount of things, so the moment we find that certain expectations are not being met, confusion, defensiveness and blame arise.
We need help communicating. This is why I appreciate The Great Chore Audit , a resource from Real Simple. This is a worksheet that allows you and your partner (or roommate, or children) to do each job, one by one, and really think about how it is being done. Who is washing the dishes (the chore that causes the most divisiveness in a relationship )? Should this person do the dishes? Is this person happy with the dishes? Does he or she know how to wash dishes? Does a person have time to do the dishes now, based on their life and career goals? Basically, you are forcing yourself to dive deeply into the dynamics of the chore and move things around in a way that makes sense. I know this isn’t the most exciting conversation, but if we don’t deliberately engage in discussion, we end up violating gender norms (which happens even with same-sex couples ) and the stress of invisible labor persists.
As Real Simple points out, the goal of a routine audit should not be to achieve the ideal 50/50 ratio. Situations and responsibilities are constantly changing. But talking about it puts you and your partner on the same team. You are against housework! Whether you win or not, it’s a happier lifestyle.
“Finally, a solution to end the disputes over routine work” | Really simple