How to Enjoy a Threesome
Some time ago I wrote about how to have a threesome . Today I’m going to talk about how to enjoy threesome sex right now. While threesome sex is one of the most popular fantasies, it can be very difficult to pull off. Adding a third set of boundaries, preferences, desires, and limbs can create a much more complex reality than the fantasy you may have had in mind. Here’s how to make threesome sex as enjoyable as possible.
Check your boundaries
In my article on creating a threesome, I recommended spending a lot of time figuring out with yourself and your partner about your threesome boundaries, such as what specific actions you have on and off the table. If it took a while to find your third and set a date, it is worth revisiting those boundaries again to make sure they are fresh in your mind.
You also need to share your desires and boundaries with your third party and discuss how all of these needs fit together. Just start with this simple question: “What are you hoping for?” You can even plan your entire threesome ahead of time. Many people disagree with the idea of having these discussions, but it is absolutely essential for a successful and enjoyable threesome. Plus, it can be very hot to be detailed about what you intend to do together.
Consider making it easier the first time
Many people think they need to get to the heart of it and do whatever and everything during their first threesome. Threesome sex is hard to find, so it’s understandable that you’ll want to fill out your wishlist as soon as you can customize it. But just as you may have made your first sex easier the first time, you can also make your life easier with threesomes. Hugging or kissing can be a great way to feel your chemistry with each other. Working slowly can help you overcome these new boundaries, feel less anxiety and pressure on productivity, and have more fun.
Stay sober
If you are nervous about having threesomes, you may be tempted to turn to alcohol or drugs to calm yourself down. Or you might think that your threesome will be more enjoyable if you are high. But I highly, highly recommend being sober, at least for your first threesome. Threesomes can be surprisingly challenging and memorable. Drunkenness or drug intoxication impairs your judgment, makes communication difficult, and makes it difficult to understand your own level of comfort. One glass to calm your nerves may be fine, but you don’t want to feel drunk or even tipsy.
Be safe
People sometimes forget that the normal rules for safe sex should apply during threesomes, so let me remind you: the normal rules for safe sex should apply during threesomes! If you want to drastically reduce your chances of becoming pregnant or contracting sexually transmitted infections, you must wear condoms and use dental pads. It is a good idea to talk to each other about your STI status. If your threesome involves penetration, do not plunge from one partner’s anus or vagina into the other partner’s anus without changing the condom. Do not share toys unless you are using or exchanging condoms with them. Don’t go from anus to vagina without washing the dishes or changing the condom.
Expect awkwardness
Most people who have threesomes report that they did not realize that it would be so embarrassing at the moment. You won’t know exactly what to do at each moment of the interaction. Threesomes involve many limbs fighting and you probably won’t be able to do threesomes with each other all the time. Expect awkwardness and you will be fine.
Continue to register
Anytime three people do something together, there is always the possibility that someone will feel like a strange person. Try to be empathetic to this dynamic and make sure everyone feels involved. Throughout the threesome, keep talking to each other, make sure everyone is having fun. Remember that preferences and boundaries can change overnight. As I mentioned above, many people think that communication “spoils” sex, but it is not. Communication is absolutely essential for safe and enjoyable sex, and it can be very hot.
Emphasize follow-up care
Before having a threesome, make a plan for what you want to do after. If you’re in a relationship, are you willing to let your third person sleep? Do you want your partner to have an individual registration? At least take a few minutes to ask each other, “How was this for you?” Pay attention to any feelings or reactions you might have. If everyone is happy, going out to a restaurant for a snack or a drink can be a good jump back into the world.