How to Get Friends to Stop Flirting With Each Other?
This week we have a woman who gets along well with men in a Platonic way, but recently introduced a flirty girl to them. Can she get them to stop flirting with each other? Or does she need to get over it?
Some people have problems that require the delicate advice of a qualified professional. Others just need a random guy on the internet to kick them in the teeth (i.e. honestly). I am the last one. Welcome back to Tough Love .
Note: I am by no means a therapist or medical professional. People ask for my advice, and I give them. End of transaction. If you have any problems, please submit a formal complaint here . Now that it doesn’t get in the way, let’s continue:
Hi, Patrick,
My best friend is a very sweet and reserved person. However, when it comes to boys, she tends to shape a social ego and tries to appear superior. I have many male friends; In fact, most of my comrades are boys. It’s not because I’m craving attention or seeking sensual encounters. Just because I grew up in a family of boys. I have developed a strong and mature relationship with them, and many of them call me “one of the boys.”
I recently introduced my best friend to my boyfriend friends and it seems silly, but she’s filming them all and it worries me! I can tell that some of them like her, and I know for a fact that she is struggling to get their attention. I don’t like to watch this happen. I don’t want my best friend and my friends to have any difficulties or any kind of love life. It’s hard to explain why her behavior around them annoys me, but can’t we be adults and maintain friendships and nothing more?
Now I am upset that I introduced them. She is delighted with them and adds to conversations such comments as: “Oh, I would have met him like that.” It seems that she is taking my comrades and trying to make them toys for boys. It feels like she is stealing them. I’m not jealous; I’m not looking for love or attraction from my boyfriend friends, but I’d rather she wasn’t all over the place when I just wish we could all hang out without feeling awkward when she tries to flirt with EACH of them.
Best Regards, Friend Wrangler
Hello friend Wrangler :
First, I think you are jealous. Maybe not in a romantic sense, but you definitely don’t like losing the attention of your boyfriends. You like being a tough girl who can hang out with bros. They don’t try to get along with you, and you don’t try to get along with them. Cold. But suddenly your friend appears and changes the status quo, flirtatiously, which means that he no longer pays attention to the tough girl. Now they want to pay attention to a new flirty girl with whom they can potentially date. So yeah, you’re jealous, just in a different way. Accept this.
Second, you don’t store any of these people. You talk about these guy friends with a sense of ownership – as if these men are yours and yours alone, and no one should flirt with them during your hours. And you talk about your girlfriend as some kind of eccentric, unworthy to show interest in anyone. This is so cool, friend Wrangler! I know you don’t want to feel embarrassed when they have sex with each other or anything like that, but that’s not a good reason to block your friends – people you supposedly care about – from finding comfort in each other. … You say you want everyone to be mature, but there is nothing mature about wanting to control your friends’ behavior. They’re adults – they can flirt, or Snapchat, or date anyone. Get over it.
But okay, I’ll play ball. After all, it’s not tough love if it’s tough. As far as love is concerned, if you are going to say something to your friend, you have to speak openly and play on her feelings of friendship. Be honest and tell her that you are embarrassed when she flirts with them because you are worried that a romantic relationship will cause a rift in your group of friends. You don’t tell her to stop. You tell her that you are afraid that someday you will have to choose between her and them, and you do not want this to happen. Who knows? Maybe she will back down. Either that, or she will think that you envy her.
Look, you don’t want anything to change – I understand – but things will change and will change forever and ever, amen. You can either throw a fist or find a way to be cool with Miss Flirty Pants and Bros (play matchmaker and get credit), or you’ll end up expelled from this social group if and when they really connect. So who do you want to be? The cool girl who doesn’t mind letting her friends make their own choices, or “the girl who used to hang out with us. Do you remember her?
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.